


Our Frozen Hearts

by gravityplant



Series: Our Frozen Hearts [au] [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (part 2, Angst, Anxiety, Christmas, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magical Realism, Phan - Freeform, Sharing a Bed, Vampires, Violence, Visiting Family, lots of snow, mention of blood (not very detailed), part 1 )
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-09-25 17:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravityplant/pseuds/gravityplant
Summary: Summary: When Dan’s house suddenly sets on fire, he just happens to be on the phone with Phil. Is Phil going to come to his rescue or leave him out in the cold? How will Dan manage to keep the crush he’s been harbouring for years under surface if they finally meet again? And what or who set the house on fire in the first place?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: @headlesghost  
> Genre: Friends to lovers/ Angst/ Fluff  
> Word count: 14k  
> Special thanks:  
> @headlesghost , Without you this fic wouldn’t be nowhere near as good as it is now! I just wanted to say that you’re a great beta and an awesome person to work with! You work so hard and are so meticulous in everything you do, I’m so grateful!  
> @donikitty , thank you so much for being the first beta that ever worked with me even though you couldn’t continue helping me with this fic I appreciate everything!  
> @noradeawesome , thank you so much for always taking the time to read my fic’s while discussing them with me!  
> TW: Existential crisis talk, anxiety, hint of depression, mention of food  
> 

It’s a quiet evening. It shouldn’t be, but it is. The kids who so often seemed to be playing at the soccer fields late in the evening weren’t present. Dan assumed that they always woke up the next morning with aching muscles yet with a content smile on their faces. Maybe they’re gone for the winter holiday, visiting family and friends.

Dan certainly isn’t, he’s stuck at home. Well, not really stuck. He can walk out of the door and take the lift down, maybe trudge through the deep snow to the local supermarket, but he doesn’t really feel like that would do him any good. 

Most of his friends are away with their families but he can’t blame them for leaving. It’s what people do around the holidays but now Dan’s alone, terribly alone. He just needs to talk to someone, anyone.

He thought he could go down to chit-chat with one of the cashiers but he’s procrastinated so much that the supermarkets are probably closed by now.

Then it hits him, he remembers something that might bring him some joy. He stumbles through the kitchen to the hallway where the paper bag sits, leaning against the wall on the bench. It's a small brown one, almost undetectable against the honey coloured wall. 

Dan had been and bought a bath-bomb sometime in August with Phil. He doesn't really care if he likes what the world seems to view as a female product. When the fuck did bath bombs - something you use when you bathe - become a product that only someone of a specific gender gets to use? That was utter bullshit and Dan was going to enjoy his fucking bath bomb, end of discussion. 

Phil just shrugged his shoulders and gave him a precious smile. But on the other hand, Phil wasn’t really the talker. He was quiet most of the time. He’d been like that since Highschool when Dan first started hanging out with him. 

He was under the category of easily bullied people and Dan didn’t think anyone deserved to be bullied. Dan was the one to patch Phil up after the fights even thought it was never really much of a fight. After particularly bad fights, Phil just made himself small and refused to speak for weeks. He would just tuck his head under Dan’s chin and rest against his chest. 

For their whole relationship, Dan had been the one to hold Phil and now more than ever, he really needed someone to hold him. It felt like his sanity was slipping through his fingers and he just needed a warm hug.

Instead of thinking too hard about it, he grabbed the bath bomb out of the bag and stepped into the bathroom. Maybe a warm bath would make him feel better and ease his cold soul. Not that he wasn’t kind, he was just a bit numb from being away from all the socializing.

As the water poured from the faucet he let it slowly wash over his cold hand and it seemed to be helping a little bit already.

As the water begun to fill up the tub, he walked out of the bathroom. He’d gotten a brilliant idea. If he couldn’t see Phil face to face then maybe he could at least hear his voice since that was better than nothing. Even if Phil was the quiet type Dan would at least hear a “hi” and he could actually have a proper conversation about what was really holding him down. It’s true that sometimes only your best friend can understand the words hidden deep down in you, urging to just flee out and ease a bit of the pain. It really helped that Phil was such a good listener.

With the phone in his hand, he headed back to the bathroom, stripped off his clothes and twisted the faucet handle. The water came to a stop and he slowly sunk down in it. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he realized that this was exactly what he had needed. 

He typed in the numbers one by one and then pressed call. He had learned Phil’s number by heart because he figured maybe he would need it sometime. It wasn’t really an issue now seeing as he had a whole book with his friend's numbers in the living-room but who knew when it might be needed.

At first, Phil didn’t pick up but Dan knew that he was busy helping his family with the Christmas decorations and food. 

Dan himself wasn’t going to have any spectacular food for the 25th. Maybe pizza at best if the restaurant around the corner was even open but it was Christmas after all so it most likely wasn’t.

After the second call, Phil actually picked up. “Hello?” His voice was thin but it held a light cheery tone to it. Phil was happily celebrating with his family and Dan was interrupting the fun like the bad friend he was.

Dan sulked, submerging himself even deeper into the water so that his chin was just barely touching its surface .

“I’m sorry, did I bother you?” Dan asked, hesitantly. He felt like he was a burden to Phil but when Phil replied he felt a little bit better.

“Don’t worry I have some time before all my relatives arrive. I’m happy to spend that time talking to you if you need me.”  
This guy will be the death of him. 

Phil is about the kindest person in the world and didn’t deserve all the people who were being mean to him. He deserves the world's love but then again Dan supposes the world isn’t all that fair or bountiful with its love.

“I’m happy to hear that, I just need someone to talk to that understands me” Dan tilts his head to the side and admires the reflection of the ceiling light in the beige tiles. He’s waiting for some kind of indication that Phil is still listening. And yes, if he listens closely he can hear Phil’s breaths. Lapping over his own like tidal waves. Calming, and waiting for Dan to continue, so he does.

“Me and my cacophony of thoughts. It’s like being stuck in the middle of a tornado, surrounded by my whirling thoughts. I’m scared that they will kill me but they never actually do, they just circumvent me. I am the eye of the storm Phil, I’m scared that I lure people near me, only to kill their minds. My thoughts are destructive”.

Phil still doesn’t say anything but then again Dan doesn’t expect him to. Dan leans back in the tub and closes his eyes. Something about the different position makes him relax even more.

“I’ve realised how I have to let everything I care for go. That I can’t control it. I have to let it go. And it scares the living shit out of me. I’ve only recently realised how much of a control freak I am.

That what I love will inevitably die and that I have to accept that.  
It might not be easy but it’s necessary and important to give yourself time to accept it, but not let yourself give up. It’s hard to find a balance. But there will always be a way. It just depends on how you tackle the setbacks. I'm really trying to construe it all”.

When Dan thinks he’s done with his rant he sighs loudly. A faint chuckle is heard through the receiver then Phil speaks up. Softly like he’s right next to Dan holding him close. Like Dan is a scared child who’s just seen his first thunderstorm and is terrified. But he doesn’t do it in a way that makes Dan feel small. Instead, Dan feels more at home than he does when he’s actually in his own home. It’s a strange realisation but Dan accepts it, putting it to the back of his mind for another time when he has time to think through what that particular discovery means..

“Dan, I’ve known this control-freak side of you for a long time. And I know that in the near future you might understand it more. This side of you that you can’t really control. Maybe you won’t ever be able to get rid of it but you can learn to work with it. We can all work for the things we want. All you need is a little motivation and a big spoon of courage. And I promise you’ll come to accept yourself. Of course, I’ll be there for mental support. And your therapist will probably be happy to hear all about this in your next meeting”.

Dan thinks this is the most he’s heard Phil speak in a long, long time.

“But Dan just know that no matter what I love you just as you are! Now that doesn’t mean you can’t work on some things. I’ve also got my own set of problems, we all do. But remember that if I could I would be by your side. I know you feel lonely right now”.

Dan tried to deny what Phil was saying but got cut off.

“Don’t lie to me, Howell!” Phil spoke softly but demanding. Dan couldn’t do anything other than smile at Phil’s statement. He was lonely, he couldn’t deny it. 

“I promise I won’t,” he responded before being interrupted by a loud crash resounding through the flat from the kitchen. Dan sprung up and out of the tub with a speed he didn’t even know he had.

“Phil I think there might be someone in my kitchen!” Dan whisper-shouted into the receiver. His eyes widened as he rapidly grabbed a towel from the hook on the wall and wrapped it around his body.

“Are you okay? Don’t go into the kitchen, it might not be safe!” Phil exclaimed anxiously on the other side of the phone line, worried that he would witness Dan’s death over the phone.

“Surely no one would break into a person's house on the 25th of December? Even less a skyscraper? Surely I would’ve heard if they broke in through the door. I mean they can’t have climbed the wall and broken the window into the kitchen, can they?! That would be madness, this isn’t an action movie. This is real life!” 

Dan tried to reassure himself but the more he spoke the more difficult it was becoming to separate what was real from what was considered movie logic.

“Dan calm down! Maybe something just fell to the floor. Like... I don’t know, a spatula? Or a whisk? That could happen right?” Phil asked nervously.

“Phil I don’t own a whisk!” Dan screech-whispered into the receiver. He was now peeking out from around the partially open bathroom door to where the the kitchen was at the end of the hallway. What he could see didn’t look at all promising.

“Phil I think something is on fire! The kitchen, it’s on fire!” Thick, black smoke was billowing towards Dan and he could just make out the flickering orange light of flames. It was too far gone. All he had time to do was grab his coat and the necklace lying on top of the cupboard and run out of the apartment. 

Phil’s voice rang out urgent to know more. “Dan, what’s happening? Are you alright?” Dan had run downstairs and was now sitting in the lobby. Shaking like mad, sitting in a fetal position with only a towel and his coat, he began sobbing. His voice was small when he finally answered Phil. 

“I’m not alright, please Phil, take me home”. Dan pleaded, not really thinking about what was whispered from his lips. Maybe it was the way Dan said it or the utter despair in his voice but Phil didn't even need to think before he heard himself say; “Dan calm down! I want you to call the fire brigade immediately when I hang up. Then you walk outside, okay?

I’ll come to pick you up and you can celebrate Christmas with my family if that’s okay? At least you’ll have somewhere to sleep. You can share the room with me or maybe take the couch. How does that sound Dan?”

Dan only sobbed as an answer but Phil understood. “Okay, I’ll hang up now, remember to call!” Maybe Dan should've felt bashful or clamoured that he had asked Phil to rescue him and even leave his family for Dan. But instead, he felt a bit better. 

And with that Phil left Dan alone in the quiet and empty building. Dan entered the number and waited for them to pick up. Some sobs escaped his trembling lips.

Phil rushed to get his jacket. Some of his family members looked surprised as he ran through the house from his room. His grandma had sat at the fireplace, dreamingly staring into the roaring fire, mesmerised by its glow, as if it awoke some old memories within her. Even if his grandma didn’t seem to notice that he was in a hurry to somewhere his mum sure did. 

Kathryn stopped her son with a hand on his shoulder. The questioning look she gave him made him utter one word. 

“Dan.”

What it meant he wasn’t really sure but it would have to do. Surely his mum would understand. She could interpret it how she wanted as long as he could get to Dan as quickly as possible. 

Dan had been in Phil’s life as long as Phil could remember. Sometimes in the shadows, hiding, scared that Phil wouldn’t approve of him somehow. But how could Phil do that? The man was his absolute best friend. Someone he would die for and the thought of Dan doing just that was terrifying him. What would he do without him?

Phil’s mum didn’t say anything she just let him escape her grasp. She stood staring after him as he swept the jacket around himself and stepped out of the door into the light snowstorm.

Outside, the world looked like a winter wonderland but from the window of the car, it was nowhere near as beautiful. Instead, Phil found himself cursing at the stupidity of the fact that something so beautiful could become so annoying.

Dan cried. He cried because he was so pathetic. He thought he was better than this but if he really was brave he would’ve been banging on his neighbour's doors to tell them there was a fire in his apartment. 

If he really cared he would’ve done something to stop their possible deaths.

If he wasn’t such a coward maybe he would’ve told his best friend in the world that he was in love with him.

But Phil never really glanced at him. The only time he eyed him was when Dan had asked him to help him choose an outfit for prom. Dan, of course, was not going with Phil. He was going with some girl called Rebeca who’d asked him. 

Dan had been going to ask Phil but had chickened out before he had even got the chance to stand in front of Phil only to later find out that Phil would go with Molly. Yeah... that felt like a punch to the face. But both Molly and Rebeca were out of the picture now. Neither of them had any contact with either Phil or Dan, himself.

It was probably for the best. Dan might’ve gone insane if Phil and Molly were still dating.

But instead of having it all, Dan now had nothing left. No home, no neighbours - well at least he assumed that. A friend who he was in love with but would never be able to get together with. Yeah, Dan definitely had some reasons to cry so he let himself. The tears worked as a river brushing away all the worries, for now at least.

The control freak inside of Dan wanted him to do something, anything. Be on the lookout for firefighters, warn the neighbours, anything but instead he found himself incapable of any movement. He was frozen to the ground, just wanting two soft hands on him and a warm embrace. It was almost like he could smell Phil’s cologne in the chilly air and hear his soft voice. 

Phil had told him to go outside so he knew he would be safe for sure but Dan didn’t think he could. Was it really that important? Besides, it was freezing outside and Dan only had a towel around the upper part of his legs and no shoes.

Maybe Phil could abscond, bringing Dan with him in the car. Maybe they could spend Christmas like Dan wanted. But then again Phil had no clue what exactly that was. Maybe Dan wanted to see his family again. It had been some time since he had last.

Phil glanced over at the CD selection on his left side. Maybe some Christmas-music could make him feel at ease. 

For as long as Phil could remember Dan had been by his side. Being a sort of safe place. Never before had Phil come to the thought that maybe Dan would need him to be his safe place sometime in the near future. The thought was new, peculiar to the unaccustomed. Dan had always had this hard exterior that screamed proudness which was something that Phil so often wished he had had himself. Phil's confidence had gotten better over the years though. It helped that the bullies that had plagued Phil's thoughts were no longer around to bring him down. That didn't mean that mean people didn’t exist, however. No, that was a whole other discussion.

As Phil brought up his sweater paws to cover his frozen hands from direct contact with the stone-cold steering wheel, he sunk down a little in his seat. The collar of his Christmas sweatshirt itched his neck and the end of the necklace he wore scraped the nape of his neck uncomfortably as he shivered.

Dan was standing outside now, one of the firefighters had lent him a blanket which he'd happily wrapped himself up in, covering his feet and most of his lower body. He was thankful that he'd brought the jacket with him though because without it he'd be absolutely freezing.

The mere thought of Phil not actually showing up terrified him. That he would leave him in the lurch. Dan didn't own a car and all of his belongings except for his phone and wallet were left in his apartment. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to move back in immediately and he couldn't take the bus half naked, that'd be ridiculous!

The snow was whirling in front of him. Roaring up a storm of snowflakes. They settled in mahogany locks and on long, dark brown eyelashes. Dan reached his hand out and waited for a snowflake to settle, only to watch it melt into nothingness with utmost fascination. 

Most of his neighbours had joined him outside as well. Their breaths billowed out of their mouths like white clouds. Their faces plagued with deep frowns, sending death stares to anyone they saw, most of them looked disgruntled. Others who knew each other better were standing in small groups, talking. From what Dan could decipher it didn't sound like the carefree, easy going type.

The firefighters were working on putting out the fire and they'd asked him if he had a place to stay during the night, informing him that he would be contacted when it was safe to move back into the flat. Dan had told them that one of his friends was going to come and pick him up.

Somewhere between him being caught up in his thoughts and trying to contain the sobs - and the tears that still wanted to keep on escaping from his burning eyes - he had stopped paying attention. Maybe that's why he was so startled when someone grunted a "hello" in front of him. He hadn't even seen the person nor had he heard them walk up to him. But now that he studied the scrawny man with a brown fleece jacket and a pair of blue jeans he immediately recognised him as part of the small group that had been eagerly complaining ever since they set their foot outside in the cold night.

The man was visibly shaking, his arms crossed over his chest in utmost chagrin and he gave Dan a dirty look. His whole attitude screamed arrogance. His voice was taut when he spoke up, his expression grew colder by the minute.

"You are the neighbour whose home was on fire aren't you, boy?" Dan's gaze flickered over the man once more, taking in the small shoulders and the moustache that was near indistinct. How his piggy eyes almost scraped the surface of Dan’s being with disapproval. Dan shut his eyes for a moment trying to collect himself for what he knew would come.

"Ye-" he was about to answer but got cut off by a voice. The voice chimed flat through the falling snow and was unmistakably Phil's. Dan's eyes shot open falling on Phils figure where he was making his way towards the two of them. Dan got up, his lips forming a smile. He had doubted Phil for a second but now that he really was here in person, he couldn't feel anything other than happiness. Dan ran into his arms and buried his head in the crook of Phil's neck. The blanket was still securely wrapped around him and he almost stumbled in the borrowed boots which were a little too big for him. Weird, cause he thought he was a giant. Phil stumbled backwards at the sudden impact and his nose was buried deep in brown ringlets. Dan smelled sweet.

He was cold though and Phil's expression became brooding when he took hold of Dan's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Are you freezing, oh god you must be freezing to death!" Worry glinted in those sapphire eyes and Phil bit his lip. But Dan only smiled up at him, he looked tired, eyes lidded. "Don't worry, I'm fine Phil," he said calmly but leaned against Phil's chest when a man came up to them. It was the same man that had been talking to Dan.

"I see your boyfriend has come to save you from the mess you've created but guess what, not everyone has someone that can just come here and drive them away, you little scamp". The man's voice had raised a couple of octaves, his face scarlet. He didn't look at all happy to see Phil. And what did he say again? Dan wasn't his boyfriend.

"Good sir listen to me, I think you've been mistaken," he said trying to keep himself from completely losing his shit. Not that Phil had ever talked back to anyone in his life.  
"Don't 'good sir' me you little punk. You should've left him alone out in the cold, he deserves it. Instead, it’s us who will have to suffer!" The man said to his face, cascades of spit flying. 

"And leave him out to die, freeze to death? You're insane, no heartless. I'm pretty sure you’ll be able to go back into your apartment soon enough anyway. After all, it was Dan's apartment that was on fire and not yours 'good sir'". Phil is furious. First, this man dares to be rude to Dan, then he says that Phil should leave Dan in the cold to die and on Christmas Eve as well!

With that, he turns around bringing Dan with him in a secure embrace, mumbling into his hair that he's going to be able to borrow some pyjamas when they arrive back at Phil's family home. Dan just nods slowly, locks of frozen hair stiffly shivering as he moves.

Phil opens the car door for Dan, looking over his shoulder he can still see Dan's neighbour staring darkly back at them. Sometimes Phil just wonders why the world is this way; Why people harbour so much hate for each other. 

Dan's eyes are downcast, his expression doleful. Phil can feel his own heart clench painfully at the sight. Dan looks so different, nothing like himself. It was Dan who was supposed to be sturdy even when he was sombre. It was Dan who never gave up, never displayed any sort of shortcoming, but maybe Phil had been mistaken all along. Maybe Dan had held in all of this anguish for a long time, always focusing on others well-being instead of his own. 

Phil had needed Dan more than ever during school and Dan had been there all the time. But never had he once seen Dan show a slither of subdued emotion. He mostly talked about things like overcoming hurt, like they were easy to achieve, something he wouldn't have a problem handling. But of course, he had had problems, he was only human. Phil had been so blind, he felt like the worst type of friend. But at least he had Dan here now. Now he would never let go ever again. If Dan needed him he would be by his side just like Dan had been by his. 

When they're finally both in the car it's mostly silent. Dan's head is rested against the headrest connected to the seat. His eyes are closed, eyelashes kissing his cheeks that are salmon-coloured after standing outside between all the hundreds of thousands of snowflakes falling gracefully down from the sky. 

He's pretty of course and Phil supposes that he has never really eyed his friend this way before. But now he understands why so many people had fawned over him in their school days. Although Dan never noticed or he didn't at all care because the only time he had showed anyone any attention was when he went with Rebeca to prom. Somehow Phil felt a little bit left on his own without Dan by his side. He was his wingman after all. Phil had gone with Molly, a sweet girl with silver-blonde hair and a gap between her front teeth. She was mildly chubby and absolutely gorgeous but Phil couldn't really connect with her. It was a bit like his concentration was elsewhere. Where though, he couldn't quite remember...

Phil's eyes are on the road and in the headlights he can see every individual snowflake throw itself past the car in a haste to hurry down and join the snow on the ground, to be reunited with their families. A little like he imagines some humans being stars watching over the stars that have fallen. Those who need their protection, especially in the darkest of nights.

A jingle is heard and Phil's phone vibrates. The cold light emitting from the phone lighting up the car. It’s a message from his mum and he reads it in a few seconds before his eyes are back on the road.

Sent: 23:58  
To: Phil  
The dinner is going to be really late this Christmas. The rest of the family arrived about two hours ago.

Dan cracks open an eye. The sound of a phone wakes him up from his light slumber. He hasn't said much to Phil yet. He grabs ahold of the necklace laying cold around his neck, twisting the medallion slowly in his hand. Dan feels like he’s in this fragile state where he just wants to curl up into himself. Maybe against something warm, or under a blanket. The thought of being alone has him wishing that he owned a pet. Maybe an eager little Shiba Inu girl that would curl up against his chest and waggle her little tail. She could become Dan's trusty joy pill, something that brought him happiness even when he couldn't bring himself to tell everybody else how he's not doing fine. Maybe a dog could force him out of his comfort zone while being by his side all the time. 

But Dan knows that a dog can't replace a human, a dog doesn't have a conversation with you. Maybe you can read some of its body language but you will never receive a proper answer or advice, from them. Dan knew that what he really needed was someone he could tell everything to and someone who could actually listen and try to understand his ramblings. He had to try and open up more. To be honest with himself and brave enough to tell a person that he isn't doing fine and that right now he needs someone to care about him.

-

When they arrive at Phil's family house Dan is awake. His eyes are lidded and he looks tired but he has a mild smile painted on his face. And when Phil looks over at him Dan's eyes draw to his, watching him for a while with a sort of unreadable expression. Then they both step out of the car. The snow is ankle deep and falls into Dan’s shoes when he takes a step. With hurry they both plough through the white, glittering layer. 

Dan releases a content sigh once they're inside and in the warmth of Phil’s home. Phil grabs his hand as they walk further in. Their shoes and Phil's jacket are left in the hallway. As they walk past Phil's family Dan can't do anything other than blush heavily when he self-consciously wraps the blanket tighter around his midsection. Phil completely ignores them as they hurry up the staircase to Phil's old bedroom. 

It's just how Dan remembers it causing something warm to settle in his chest. From the wallpapers to the green carpet. Phil walks over to the drawer. His hands move gently over the clothes. Fingertips grazing the different materials until he finds a pair of soft pyjama bottoms buried deep down at the bottom of the drawer. When he carefully drags them up out of the drawer he is reminded of who's they really are. Dan had left a pair in Phil's house the night before he took off for college and they'd been here ever since. They were checkered and colour wise they were in the grayscale. Dan had left before Phil had woken up, how he'd managed that Phil couldn't quite comprehend because the sleepover had kept them both awake late into the night.

Phil grabs a white t-shirt to accompany the bottoms and pushes both of them into Dan's arms. Dan raises an eyebrow at first then his eyes find the fabric of the pyjamas and judging by the warm expression that blossoms upon his face - and the appearance of his adorable dimples - Dan had remembered.

"I'll let you change by yourself, you can come down and have dinner with the rest of us when you're done!" Phil gave Dan a soft smile and pushed the door closed with his foot. 

The moment Phil's foot touched the floor, and headed for the staircase everybody's eyes were on him, curious. He went down to the table standing there a while in front of the empty chair, before he cleared his throat as he sat down.

"Um... I hope you don't mind my best friend will be spending some time here, eating dinner with us" Everybody had started eating. Phil's mum who sat at the table to his left nodded approvingly while chewing. Her cheeks were rosy from being out earlier, in the morning, shovelling away at the snow that covered the path. It had been almost in vain, however, because it wasn't even visible when Dan and Phil had returned.

A creak was heard and then Dan was visible, standing at the last step in the clothes Phil had picked out for him with a restrained look on his face, cautious in this environment. Phil smiled reassuringly patting the chair's cushioned seat whilst nodding towards it. 

But what finally made Dan saunter towards the table was Kathryn. "Come on dear, come n' join us, I'm sure we'll have a great time" The look on Dan's face resembled relief and a grateful smile suddenly adorned his face. Phil's brother, Martyn, also smiled welcomingly at Dan when he's sat down.

Phil thinks he loves the way Christmas is. For him, it's more like a feeling lingering in the air. It makes his heart flutter, it's almost as if the world just becomes a little bit more saturated around the holidays.

Dan is reminded of his first Christmas in college. Phil had bought him an ugly Christmas sweatshirt and it had arrived wrapped up a couple of days before the 25th. It wasn't at all Dan's style but it resembled Phil in every single way possible and Dan had worn it for a whole week. The shirt was red and green and still stood out in his closet as it was the only colourful item of clothing he owned. Thinking back on it, Dan kind of wished he had brought it, not that he would've had time to scramble to his bedroom and rummage around in the well-assorted closet.

Phil's family is nice, they all seem tired though. Not many manage to hold up a conversation, the whole herd around the table thoroughly tired out. Dan thinks he might just fall asleep at the table with his face in the plate full of food.

-

After a while, it seemed that most people had finished and due to it being so late they decided that the presents would be opened the next morning. Something the youngest ones weren't very pleased with ("come on mum, it’s only fair that you let us open them today, it's Christmas!") But their complaints were in vain. Dan didn't complain, he was tired. So, so tired and he didn't think he could stay up much longer. Phil looked tired as well. As the others slowly left the table one by one to go to bed Phil leaned into Dan's side and spoke a question in a soft voice, near to Dan's ear.

"Are you tired enough to go to sleep yet? Want to snuggle under some blankets on the couch or share my bed with me, it's your choice." Dan watched him for a while. His eyes looked almost black in the dimmed kitchen. Finally, it was only them left. "It’ll be just like before uni?" Dan asked tentatively his eyes downcast. Phil's eyes flickered over his face taking in the freckles that were scattered all over, slightly ambiguous in the murk.

He smiled softly, something about the situation reminded him so much of a younger version of Dan. Not the version of him present in school but the more softened one. With cute edges and a warm personality. To put it simply, the Dan he felt so much more comfortable with. "Just like before uni" Phil confirmed causing a timid smile to spread over Dan's face. 

-

Dan laid supine on the bed, his eyes watching the ceiling. Phil lay beside him, his arm thrown over Dan's waist. As Dan turned to lie on his side Phil inched closer in his sleep. Phil's chest is now pressed up against Dan's back and Dan fears that he might hear how violently his heart is throbbing in his chest. But Phil only brings Dan even closer in his embrace. His nose now buried in the nape of Dan's neck and with every exhale Dan can feel his own stomach twist.

Somewhere in this world, Dan managed to find Phil. How he doesn't know. All he can really do is be grateful to at least have him as a friend. He can stand this small crush that he has. It isn't fatal, he's not going to die if he doesn't get his way. He should be content with what he has.

Despite having a few friends and an alright job he was still lonely. Sometime during autumn last year Phil and he had gone co-grocery store shopping. It had been fun. Dan had worn an ochre beanie to try and cover some of his unruly curls and Phil had worn a trenchcoat, back then he had still had his old haircut, a fringe just like Dan's own except without the unnecessary hobbit curls. Dan had a red grocery basket dangling in the bend of his arm. He had gone all vegan for a while but now he had shamefully brought Phil with him because he missed the meat. Phil noted that he at least wasn't a rabbit in his past life. Which Dan protested against with "I enjoy salad, I just don't want to eat 'just' salad". To which Phil teasingly responded "Fair enough, maybe you were a killer bunny".

Dan exhaled, the pillow was soft against his cheek and he had finally started to relax after Phil's cuddle attack. Phil proved to have become even cuddlier and needier than he'd been before uni. Dan wasn't even sure if it was in a particularly friend type of way either but what did he know? Maybe Phil liked to platonically cuddle with all his friends... in his bed.

-

Phil's eyes were wide open. Sometime in the night, he'd just woken up. Why he didn't know. Nothing had been different, no extraordinary sounds. Just the wind that softy whined outside the house. Dan was asleep cuddled up to him, he looked like he was snug. It had been a while since Phil had seen Dan this at ease and comfortable. There is something about a person's face when they're asleep that speaks of childish innocence. Dan looked pure and much younger. Like he had no doubts, no worries, no need to please the rest of the world. Phil reached out a hand towards Dan's forehead. His thumb traced the small almost non-existent lines there,l gently smoothing them out with the pad of his thumb. The wrinkles are only visible if you look really closely, a reminder that they aren't the teenagers they once were. But that also means they've come somewhere, they've seen places, met new people. Yet they're back in the same room that they started in. How crazy is that?

There's a sudden noise in the night that makes Phil spring up in bed. A clatter coming from the kitchen. Fear settles in Phil's chest and squeezes his heart uncomfortably. Dan is still fast asleep, he stirred around a bit at the sudden lack of Phil beside him but soon got a good grip on a pillow and drew it close to his chest instead, the only difference being the appearance of a small frown etched onto his face, maybe it was Phil's fault. Phil closed his eyes for a moment inhaling the night air, cold even though he's inside the house. He inches himself closer to the edge of the bed. Holding his breath when his feet make contact with the stone-cold floor. 

As Phil stumbles across the room to the door he looks back at the bed for a moment. As if to check if Dan's still there and not a figment of his imagination. He hadn't quite realised how much he really missed being as close to Dan as he was when they were younger. What happened? What drew them apart, made them think twice about sleepovers? What had caused Dan to be so hesitant the last autumn when he had asked if Phil wanted to go supermarket shopping? Maybe he thought Phil had better things to do? It was almost as if he tried to send a message over the phone because his voice had sounded a bit fragile and wavy. But he also suspected that Dan had realised himself and after a while, he sounded much more confident. It was weird, as though he had tried to prove he wasn't going to break. But after today, when Phil had realised that Dan had been subduing his emotions, he realised that maybe Dan needed him way more than he had needed Dan in a while.

Phil gripped the door handle and pushed the door open carefully. When he was outside and in the hallway he closed the door behind him and padded over the wooden floor. 

With every step he takes of the staircase, he feels a little bit more nervous. Phil isn't as lithe as Dan is, easy on his feet with a sort of cat-like lightheartedness and delicacy you'd think he wouldn't have due to how lanky he is. 

It feels like the air is pulsating with anxiety and Phil really hopes that the person downstairs in the kitchen is someone he knows and not an intruder. Now when he’s finally reunited with Dan, it would be typical that the world had decided to take that from him, ripping his little world into pieces, like how ashes are thrown to the wind drifting apart, disappearing, changing. A robber would steal their new beginning, and leave him a funeral.

No, he can't over think things yet. That's what past Phil did. This Phil doesn't, he's confident and tries to love himself. He loves himself. But is he brave enough to fight a robber? Will his fists tremble? Will he feel weak in his knees again just like in the past, when he couldn't defend himself.

But he did speak up to that old man. The man with the evil eyes, who was only out to hurt Dan. 

Phil steps on the last stair with a little bit too much force, maybe because his mind was somewhere else, attention no longer on how he has to be careful. The creak is loud and Phil's breath catches in his throat. He doesn't breathe waiting for some kind of reaction. But it's just as deathly silent as it was before.

Before he goes into the kitchen he moves to the hallway. His eyes search for something to defend himself with. Maybe a shoehorn? But when his eyes find the purple umbrella a smile arises upon his lips. The umbrella is light in his hand he notices after scrutinizing it. He feels much more confident now when he's inching towards the kitchen. Maybe he's actually become intrepid without realising it?

With a deep breath he enters the kitchen, his heart is beating madly and when he finds the figure sitting at the table in the dark he lets out a surprised yelp. He didn't actually expect there to be anyone in the kitchen. At first, he suspects the worst, an actual robber is in his parent's house!

But then a familiar voice calls out, quiet in the night "Phil?". And Phil recognises the voice immediately. He realises how dumb he had been for thinking that a robber was in his house. But after all that had happened to Dan, anything had felt possible. Like the world was a bit fragile, turned upside down. Maybe he'd just flipped the whole situation on its head.

Of course, it was just Phil's mum. She reached and grabbed a lighter to light a candle standing on the table. When it was lit - the flame dancing mesmerizingly in its glass cage - Phil could finally make out the features of his mums face. 

"Why do you have an umbrella with you?" she questioned, surprise laced in her voice. Phil looked down at the umbrella again, for a moment he'd forgotten about it. But now when she brought it up again a light chuckle couldn't help but escape his lips.

"Er... I thought you were a robber..." he said sheepishly, fiddling with the umbrellas frilly material. She gives him a small smile and pats the chair beside her exhorting him to come sit. He granted her the silent wish, walking up to the chair.

"Phil, my little boy. What are you doing up so late?" She asked, her eyes tracing his face, etched with a light worry.

"Mum you're forgetting that I'm an adult now, I can wake up and go to bed whenever I want," he says, his hand placed on her shoulder. 

"Right, right, sometimes I forget what a handsome young man you've grown up to be," she says, her smile is a bit hard to read, it’s a cloudy mashup between a proud smile and a sad one. Like she is mustering everything she has not to burst into tears. Phil thinks that she sees it as if she is actually losing him. In a way, he supposes, that's true because he won't be with his parents as often. He doesn't live in their house anymore, hasn't done for a while. But maybe it’s only just hit her. He isn't disappearing though, he will still be her son no matter what and he feels the need to reassure her of this.

"Mum I'm still your son, just a little bit more grown up, just a little bit wiser than before." He smiles, this time an honest smile the kind that just radiates fondness.

She smiles then, her lips twitching slightly and her eyes looking watery. Phil can't remember the last time they've been alone just them, speaking. She opens her arms in a welcoming embrace and Phil senses that she is the one needing the hug not him. When he's in her embrace she hugs him tightly, just like she used to when he was a little kid who had ambitions higher than skyscrapers that needed consoling when they crumbled down around him.

When they've finally parted her eyes have an eager shine to them. "So now you need to tell me what really happened, why's Dan really here?" She says. She has that kind of lazy smile that almost breaches into a sly one. Phil rolls his eyes leaning back in his chair. His expression is almost thoughtful like he hadn't really had time to think about that himself.

"Well he called me at first because he wanted to talk but then we realised that his kitchen was on fire," Phil says his voice almost on the verge of being uncertain. When he says it, it sounds dumb, he speaks as if he is unsure and his eyes flicker over the table's surface. All he can really think of is how all of this escalated so fast. Like his brain had just fabricated it all. His mind was a plethora of confusing thoughts all overlapping each other until Phil could no longer make out what was what.

"The kitchen just caught fire?" his mum asked, surprised and almost bug-eyed. Phil furrowed his eyebrows "yeah, well I think so, Dan never entered the kitchen though, I think he just saw smoke". Phil's eyes follow the flame of the candle as it hungrily swallows air and grows taller, he nods.

"I wonder what it was that caught fire, have you asked him about what he thinks it was?" Phil shakes his head almost immediately then he blinks tiredly. "I didn't want to remind him of it just yet" Kathryn nods understandingly and her eyes settle on a spot behind him. She kind of stares into nothingness for a while. Phil figures that she's thinking, sometimes he just wishes that he knew what.

"You know this Christmas didn't exactly turn out how I thought it would. It has been really stressful and the rest of the family arrived late. The majority of the food was just something I put together last minute only a tiny bit was pre-made." She sighs, I just wish that everything was put together like it was before. Maybe we're not capable of hosting the Christmas family get together. I should've just let somebody else taken over it. But I figured that because grandma did it so well, I would manage it too. But it seems that I'm a miserable host" she declares with a sad voice slumping down in the chair. Phil’s answering smile is sad, reflecting how bad he feels for not helping his mum more than he has already done.

"Mum we're doing great, you've done way too much, let me help you more. I don't think that you're a miserable host, you care so much because you want it to be great, right? Isn't it the thought that counts. You can't control everything you know, you aren't some sort of all-knowing being". She only nods a deliberate smile that paints her face with relief.

"But I still want to know why did you bring Dan here and not to his own family? Don't you think they'll miss him, especially now during Christmas?" Phil shakes his head. He searches for an answer as to why he'd brought Dan to his parents home without even thinking or asking Dan about it. Dan had just said "take me home" but what is home for Dan? Had he meant the house he grew up in? But Phil doesn't think he'd ever mentioned it even once. Never once during the drive did Dan protest or say that no, he didn't want to celebrate Christmas with Phil's family.

"I don't think that they celebrate Christmas, I've never heard him talk about meeting up with his family during the holidays anyway. He didn't protest when I asked if he wanted to join us. Maybe he just doesn't want to meet up with his family?" Phil said reluctantly. Almost unsure if he should say this to his mum or not. It was Dan's own business after all.

"Okay one last question," she says eyeing him severely "before you go to bed young man, tomorrow will be filled with family fun so you need to get at least some rest. We don't want you to walk in all bleary-eyed and stumble over everything because you haven't gotten any sleep. I still remember that one time that happened" Phil gives her a glare and whines "mum!".

"Do you like him?" she says and at first he thinks that she is joking but she says it in a serious tone. Her eyes scan over his face taking in his reaction. "Wha... of course, I do he's my best friend?" Phil says unsure, his mind is suddenly spinning with confusion. 

"No, like do you like him more than just a friend would?” she asks softly, something about her tone is small almost pleading for him to answer the question right away.

"You mean like do I like him in a non-platonic way?” he asks slowly, trying to wrap his head around why she's asking such a silly question. But something inside him resonates with what she's saying. A small voice that points out that he’d invited Dan into his bed. He wants to speak back to it and tell it that they've always done that when Dan was sleeping over. It wasn't unusual. But maybe something had been different.

She nods her head and he freezes for a moment, just staring at her "I..." then his eyes shift down towards the table "no?" She still watches him with the same interest her expression hasn't changed. 

"Phil..." she says calmly. And suddenly Phil can't meet her eyes, too scared that she'll somehow see that he isn't being honest. Phil thinks he's being honest, but what if? She repeats his name. There's some sort of longing inside him that tells him to just flee. Flee from everything immediately. Phil knows his mum so well, he’s lived with her for most of his life and yet he can't seem to understand why she is asking him this now and not when he and Dan hung out more, before university. Maybe something is wrong with his and Dan's relationship and she’s noticed that just now?

"Phil, look at me," She says her voice a little bit more stern. Phil slowly looks up, he has no desire to hear what she has to say anymore.

When he sees her eyes he expects anger, maybe a hate to burn there but there's nothing, not even a cold gaze. But then he realizes that that's not true there's something, a glint of warmth, maybe understanding. She beings speaking again.

"Phil, Dan is a lovely boy and I want you to know that if you did love him I wouldn't mind. See Phil what's most important to me is that you are happy and if you find someone that makes you feel like the luckiest man in the world then you know you've found them". 

Something in Phil bursts because he launches forward and hugs his mum, shaking with sobs. He doesn't know why he cries, he isn't sad but he feels every emotion all at once and it's overwhelming, he doesn't know what to say. But he feels like he doesn't necessarily have to utter a word right now.

-

Phil stands in the door opening and looks over the room, it's the same wallpaper and furniture that it has always been. Dan is still in his bed sleeping, he can see locks of curls splayed out on the pillow. Weirdly enough Dan doesn't stand out. He kind of fits in, in this mess of a room. Like he's always belonged in Phil's room. As if he's always been a consistent part of Phil's life. Not that he owns Dan, because he doesn't. But when he goes to lay down beside him, he realises that this room hasn't been "complete" in a long time, it isn't complete without Dan in it.

-

When Dan was younger he'd wished of becoming an astronaut. He wanted to float around in zero gravity. But the biggest problem with that dream that made itself present was how he would survive without human interaction. At first, he had just dismissed it. But now he knew how much he needed to feel loved, how badly he needs to speak to people in order to feel human. Otherwise, he becomes all numb and everything kind of loses its purpose.

Thinking about it now he doesn't at all wish to become an astronaut any longer. Instead he keeps to the soundtracks of recorded space sounds. Space isn't just all silent, go figure. 

And now more than ever he feels like he belongs here on earth. Like it’s finally his home and not just everybody else's. It's kind of nice actually, to finally fit in. 

Dan would have to say that it was serendipity because never had he been that providential. He spends the time before he has to open his eyes and face the world by thinking about the fire. However much he thinks about it, he can't figure out what might've caused the fire. No candles were lit and he hadn't been about to cook anything. He had actually been planning to order pizza before he had realised that they might not be open on Christmas night.

He can still feel Phil's arm around him and he figures that Phil is asleep still. Probably dreaming about something insanely cool that only Phil's imagination could muster up.

Dan wishes he could just wake Phil up with a kiss. Tell him exactly what he feels, but he can feel a restraint that just keeps on growing in his chest. Like a blockade between Phil and his feelings. Maybe he's brought it upon himself, trying to hide away his feelings in every little nook and cranny he can find. Soon he might burst, well, at least it feels a bit like that. Dan has pushed Phil away because he's scared to fall too deep. Scared that he won't be able to love anyone else.  
He should be ashamed of himself. That he so audaciously lays in Phil's bed, thinking this way. But he can't quite compel himself to tear himself away 'cuz frankly it feels right in a twisted way. He knows that what he has thought about his best friend is wrong but he still can't deny it.  
A small little voice is hoping that he isn't alone. That Phil is thinking in just the same way as him, wishing for something more.

Phil moves around in the bed, pulling Dan closer to him and breathing in loudly. Dan can't help but smile, closing his eyes and relaxing his body. Well, he tries to relax but his whole body pulsates with excitement. It's definitely not because he's going to wake up to watch everyone except himself open presents, not that he cares so much about that. It's more that he is sharing a bed with Phil once again. How he gets to spend Christmas with Phil. For some reason, Dan now realises that that is what he's always wanted.

Phil's eyes flutter open. He’s partly blinded by the morning light and struggles to hide away against something soft and warm. At first, he thinks its the duvet but then he remembers that Dan is in his bed. His nose is buried in the nape of Dan's neck near locks of luscious hair. He can't help but breathe in and remind himself just how good Dan smells. Something about his scent brings him home, makes him reminisce.

He doesn't want to wake up, he knows that for sure, and if Phil had the choice he would lay in bed all day. But then he feels a slight movement of Dan's body and a husky voice quietly speaking ("Phil?") into the air. At first, Phil doesn't want to answer but he soon realises that he can't pretend to sleep forever so he answers. "yeah?" Dan can feel Phil's breath on his neck and he shivers, he almost can't stand having Phil this close anymore. Embarrassed, he tries to push it all down, to block out his thoughts. He sits up in the bed, the blanket still laying over his lap.

Now Phil is lying alone with his cheek pressed against the pillow and his face scrunched up into a pout. "Dan? Glasses?" Phil asks and Dan rolls his eyes "No way man, get them yourself" he chuckles, Phil just groans at that. Dan's heart is beating madly in his chest and he can't seem to stop smiling. He reaches over Phil to grab the glasses and tries to put them onto Phil's face, failing slightly and ending up leaving them so that they sit crookedly on his face. Phil opens his eyes momentarily, still bleary-eyed, his pout exaggerated. "I hate you" he mutters, not really meaning it. He speaks softly and with eyes that can't even seem to muster a glare.

"Get brekkie with me?" Dan asks and when Phil doesn't answer immediately, still arranging his glasses, he adds "I don't want to sit there alone, awkwardly with your family". Phil rolls his eyes "You think that I'd just let you get breakfast without me? I'm having the last of the cereal". 

"Of course you are" Dan smiles.

-

Dan places the paprika onto the cheese on his plate with delicacy. He knows that Phil doesn't approve of his breakfast choice but if there is some free cheese in the house he ain't going to say no to it. Phil on the other hand is happily munching on his cereal, he got what he wanted after all. Dan kind of wanted lucky charms too but seeing Phil so happy eating them is definitely worth not arguing about the cereal. The morning is cold and Dan's bare feet are hitched up on the chair away from the cold floor. Outside the window, there's a completely white world with the exception of a light blue sky.

Phil has been thinking about Dan's appearance more than usual, more than he has ever done before. There’s something about Dan that just makes his mouth go dry, so that he has to swallow, maybe it's just all the memories he has with him making him sentimental. Probably that. Phil just knows that everytime Dan looks at him his stomach twists into knots, he doesn't really know why and can't explain it, maybe he's about to be sick?

Dan sips on some black tea, he and Kathryn talk about something but Phil can't quite concentrate on what, his mind still on the morning he shared with Dan. He can't help but feel like it was a bit short. He wouldn't have minded having a long breakfast in bed but something about that tells him it would be wrong. But why, it would be just as nice as having a dinner at Dan's place. They had done that a couple of times, but it didn't happen as often as he wanted it to. Dan had always been so nervous, Phil figured he got stressed over the food and over the thought that Phil wouldn't like it. Of course, Phil did like it, he would've said it was good even if Dan burned it. So maybe he was a bit of a hypocrite being Dan's best friend and all, but who cares? Dan was also a good cook, he made food that made your mouth water and sometimes Phil wonders why he didn’t study for a chef qualification instead of trying to get that law degree that later made him quit college because he felt he couldn’t be the person his parents wanted him to be. 

Phil would've loved to see Dan do something he enjoys. He could sit on the counter watching Dan work his magic. He'd be a regular at the restaurant just to be able to watch Dan. But Dan had chosen law. Phil had kind of seen it coming, but he had hoped that Dan would ignore his parent's request, only he realised that in the end having parents that are proud of you is really important, even if you don't want to admit it. So, of course, Dan wanted to make his parents proud.

Afterwards, when they'd eaten they would play board games long into the night, one time they'd even fallen asleep on the couch. But most of all Phil loved to hear Dan talk about what was going on in his life. He could listen for hours and not get bored.

Phil's gaze moves from the bottom of his empty cereal bowl to watch Dan and his mum, gaze flickering between the two, he thinks that his mum called his name but he isn't sure. "Did you say something?" he asks cocking his head to the side in a questioning manner.

"Yeah actually, I asked Dan here if you and he could go out and shovel some snow so that it will be easier to get around later," his mum says. Phil's eyes get caught on the bracelet she's wearing today. He hasn't seen that in a long time. It's reminiscent of his childhood. He can even remember when she first got it. Phil's grandmother bought it as a Christmas present for her. Presents like them you don't receive that often. 

The gold bracelet just seems to belong around her wrist. Kath usually says that the past and the present shouldn't mix but apparently, today's the exception. Phil doesn't know what's different with today. Maybe there’s something in the air. The spirit of Christmas pumping in her veins?  
Maybe, just maybe Phil can feel it too if he squints. But to him it isn't as visible, he used to feel pumped when it was Christmas, what’s happened to him? Did he grow up somewhere along the way? If that's what being an adult is, losing all your aspirations and dreams, all the pent-up childishness , Phil’s not sure he likes it. Sometimes he just needs to let out his inner child and let his soul have some peace, for just a moment. Maybe that's what Christmas is for.

"And you didn't ask me, your actual son?" he deadpans but can't help the toothy grin that takes over his features. Dan looks speechless as he looks between the two. A silent questioning gaze sent towards Phil. In return Phil just lightly shrugs, he doesn't know what to say either.

"Dan's practically my son by now," Phil's mum says nonchalantly, as if it's a cakewalk for her, so effortlessly. As if what she just said doesn't bother her at all. But it does make Phil uncomfortable, yet he doesn't really know why. Dan blushes deeply and looks away, out through the window "The weather is awfully nice today, lots of snow!" 

"Mum you're embarrassing him" Phil squeals as if it's him who's the one being disgraced. 

Dan isn't lying, the winter wonderland outside is sparkling faintly in the morning light. In some ways, Phil can't wait to get out there and throw himself into the soft, cold whiteness. For a moment he lets himself gloss-over the fact that he will probably get awfully cold and snotty.

Phil's mum smiles somewhat knowingly ignoring her son's complaints briefly. "I know it's pretty but unfortunately we're in need of some help, so we can still co-exist. I mean the snow is practically taking over" she says, her voice almost silvery in the near completely quiet early-morning setting.

"Snow world war 3, the snowpocalypse?" Dan questions into the air without expecting an answer. But that's just the way Dan works. Phil has known him long enough to not be weirded out when Dan asks something into the air. Phil chuckles "something like that I'm worried old friend".

Dan looks like a pleased cat, half relaxed in the cold chair until he hears what Phil says. That makes him spring up into a cross-legged position and his eyes pop for a moment before they turn to glare at Phil, eyes bright.  
"Did you just call me old, grandpa?" he says teasingly, voice still calm. Something in the way he said it made him appear almost lazy but just because Phil knew him so well he spotted the slight almost invisible shift in Dans features, the unsureness seeping through for just a second. Phil smiles back kindly, he doesn't have the heart to pretend to be upset if Dan is so unsure about whether what he said was considered okay.  
"You're only 2 years younger than me, child" Phil teases back sticking out his tongue at Dan. While Dan and Phil had been up to their antics Phil's mum had stood up and carried her dishes to the sink and opened the fridge.

Dan grimaces at what Phil said, giving him a look as he stands up.  
"Don't say that! You made it so much worse" Phil only blushes, he doesn't know what to say so he silently goes to do the same as his mum, grabbing his bowl. Phil's mum rummages around some more in the fridge until she turns around to say something to Phil. When she speaks to him his behaviour changes completely, trying to be easy on her, kind. Maybe to thank her in some way for raising him, for coping with teenage Phil who had big, fluffy onyx-dyed hair - that looked like a crow's nest - and a hefty temper. While he was mostly quiet with anyone else, he tended to let it out on her, not purposefully, it kind of just happened, he'd snap occasionally causing the both of them to fight for a couple of days. It was all the pent up anger that the bullies had left him to harbour.

"We'll have left-overs today" she states with a smile "I'll be in the lounge until the rest of the family awakes. You'll be back when dinners served, right?" she asks looking over at Dan for a moment, he's already nodding, brown curls bouncing on his head. There's a sort of eager energy around Dan today, Phil doesn't think he's seen this side of Dan in a long time, it's almost as if what he considered "happy Dan" was just a shell and this Dan is the sincere happy side of Dan.

"Of course mum, just go and relax now, you've already worked your ass-off, haven't you? She smiles at him, a broad one so that he can almost see the glimmer of thankfulness in her eyes. He returns the smile as she exits the kitchen. Then it's only him and Dan left. Dan meets Phil's eyes as he asks "You ready to go out?". He receives a nod and they both make their way to the hallway. They meet Martyn as he strolls down the staircase, he's on the phone and gives them a salute, his eyebrows raised and grinning like the Cheshire cat when he spots them. Phil knows that it has to be Cornelia, he notices that immediately. Martyn's voice grows softer, the reverence distinct whenever he talks to her.

For a moment he pauses his phone call with a soft whispered "wait a minute, 'kay?" and then he turns to his brother. "Little bro, you going out?" he asks, he sounds genuinely confused. Phil doesn't accuse him of it, the snowstorm is not really welcoming. Phil nods "yeah" Martyn gives him a swift smile before his gaze shifts to Dan who's standing precariously a few steps behind Phil. 

"Oh, and hey Dibs, look after Phil will ya? He’s such a clutz or maybe the snow's just out to get him. He seems to always be tripping over things no one else could". The last sentence is more directed to Phil, Martyn's speciality is to be very heedful when it comes to Phil's flaws but on the other hand, he had always been that way and Phil made sure to get him back for it. One time he had, childish as he was, poured salt into Martyn's milk. Despite the constant teasing between the two, they loved one another very dearly.

Dan nodded, a nervous smile finding its way onto his face. He likes Martyn but is never too sure if the faint clang of seriousness in his - so often laid-back and silly - voice was to be taken at heart. 

"Shut up Mar!" Phil grumbles, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at him. "Cornelia says she'll be a bit late, this snow storm is making the roads hard to drive on. So make sure to shovel well outside, okay guys?" he says smiling cheekily at them both not expecting an answer as he's disappearing into the empty kitchen.

Dan smiles a little as Phil and he stare at each other for a moment. "Oh yeah, Dan you'll need some gloves and a hat, maybe even a pair of ski pants," Phil says hurriedly, twisting the key that sits in the small wardrobe's lock. In the murk of the wardrobe there are plenty of jackets, everything jam-packed. But Dan can spot legs of ski pants poking out in between all the material. "You can probably borrow Martyn's old one," Phil says reassuringly. When he reaches to grab after them he almost disappears among the thick fabric, it looks a lot like he's being devoured by the garderobe. And if he is, Dan sure as hell will be Phil's frickin' knight in shining armour. He might've let his imagination flow a bit too far though, but the picture of Phil in his head with a dress on was all too funny. Not that he didn't suit the long, flowing, pale blue dress... and he wasn't really a princess.

Dan gets cut off in his thoughts by a fluffy thing landing in his face causing him to jerk back. When he grabs it with his cold hands he can see that it's a thick, fluffy hat. He smiles and looks up, meeting Phil's eyes "You kept this? How long has it been since I left it here?" Phil laughs lightheartedly while he's turning around to close the wardrobe door. "Well I don't actually know but it's been here for a long time, I think that even mum had a hard time throwing it away, she got all sentimental and stuff". Dan laughs awkwardly, throwing on his borrowed ski pants whilst Phil is just now reaching for his pair. 

"So you didn't get all sentimental yourself?" Dan asks quietly, his cheeks burning just a little. Dan can't see Phil's face, he has his back facing towards him, pulling on the pants. So, when Phil answers he is anticipating either a bad lie about how much he did indeed miss Dan or just the truth, the scorching realness of how little Phil cared about the footprints Dan had made in his life. He knows that he's insecure, but maybe there's some truth in what he's suspecting. "I might've shed a tear" Phil jokes, glancing over his shoulder with a slight smile on his lips. 

Dan nods albeit a bit tentatively. Phil seems to pick that up and raises his hands in justification "Even my brother didn't want to throw it out, see you've accomplished something bud". Dan gives him a forced smile "yeah...". Phil just smiles and continues while he adjusts the beanie on his head. "Martyn doesn't like just anyone you know, you're good in his books" Whilst Phil is twisting the key to the actual door Dan mutters to himself quietly "what if I don't care about his books, I just care about one person's opinions of me and that's yours" Cause after all that's all that matters. Dan doesn't need to know what the people in the grocery stores say about him behind his back, he doesn't care if he's on their good side, he only cares that he’s on Phils.

"What did you say," Phil asks, concentration lacking in his voice as most of it is focused on the lock. "I hope it hasn't jammed shut," he says worriedly before Dan can answer.  
"It was nothing" Dan sighs but Phil doesn't reply. Dan doesn't know if Phil even heard his response but then Phil finally unlocks the door with a satisfying loud click they're ready to go outside. 

"Okay now we just need some tools, they're hopefully in the garage," Phil says, as they walk towards what Dan assumes is the garage. When they've forced the door open they get the shovels. 

-

Dan pushes away another scoop of snow, it's heavy and he's breathing through his mouth. "Dan" Phil asks and Dan looks up, resting his head against the shovel "yeah?". Phil takes a few steps forward so that he stands in front of Dan.  
"Do you remember what started the fire?" he asks. Dan's eyebrows knit together, in the cold air you can see the clouds of their breaths.  
"No," he says, "I don't know" he looks saddened by Phil’s question. Phil closes his eyes and inhales, "was it you? Did you set something on fire intentionally?" Dan's eyes widen, his mouth opens in shock "No!? Why would I want to do that?" Phil watches him as he drops the shovel, it lands in the snow with a soft thud. 

Phil reaches for Dan's hand covered by the felt glove. "Because you didn't want to be alone? Didn't know how to contact me without a good reason. You needed something that would make me rush to save you without questioning it.”  
Dan shakes of Phil's hand from his, he looks irritated, his forehead wrinkled from the evident frown "Phil if I wanted to see you I would've just called you, why would I risk setting my house on fire? Why would I be so stupid, I'm not lonely. I'm not so needy that..." Phil cuts Dan off, his gaze on his shoes. "I don't.." In frustration, Dan grabs Phil's face to make him look him in the eyes. 

Dan's eyes are heated with anger, a glint of fire burning in mahogany eyes. His lips are pink and bitten from the combination of the cold and frustration. A sheen of saliva coats them as Dan licks his lips before speaking up again "Phil listen to me!". Phil's eyes meet Dan's with aversion, he can't slither out of this situation and escape the confrontation. It reminds him a bit of his past, how he couldn't escape. But Dan's fingers aren't digging into his skin, Dan doesn't want to hurt him, he just wants Phil to listen. Phil tries to reassure himself but he's nervous and scared that the Dan he has known for so long isn't the person he first seemed to be.

When they both stare at each other they realise how close they are. Their noses are near touching and Phil can see every freckle on Dan’s face. The individual eyelashes surrounding Dan's eyes. The world around them is gone, it's just the two of them. Phil swallows audibly. He doesn't know who starts leaning in first but he closes his eyes. Phil doesn't know how to kiss someone, he's never done that before. Moments before he hadn't known that he even had some kind of crush resting under the surface but now his heart was racing, anticipating something he never would've thought would happen. 

But the kiss never comes. Phil opens his eyes, Dan is standing further away with his back towards Phil. He's moving towards the front side of the house. He stops when he doesn't hear Phil behind him. Over his shoulder, he shouts "Phil your mum called out, the dinner's ready.”

Disappointment fills Phil. Didn’t Dan want to kiss him? Dan hasn't said anything, he's reacting as if it never happened. Did he want to play with Phil's feelings? It hurt because Dan cared more about food than him. He suspected that Dan had set fire to the kitchen, he was supposed to interrogate Dan. But instead, all he could think about now was kissing Dan, making out with him. It stirred butterflies in his stomach. He didn't want to let himself realise it before but he'd always had this crush on Dan. How had he been so blind? But now that realisation was in vain, instead, it would cause him pain. He should've kept going on, happily incognizant. Dan didn't like him of course, it was just a heat of the moment kind of thing.

Dan is scared, he's shaking. His hands hold the cutlery so firmly that they turn white. Why did he have to go and ruin everything? He'd almost kissed Phil, what had he thought? Was he crazy, Phil didn't deserve to be taken advantage of, no Phil didn't like Dan and if Dan kissed Phil surely it would seem like he did that? But Phil had closed his eyes and Dan could smell him in the air, he was breathing Phil in as if he was a drug, keeping him alive. His lips looked so kissable even though they were almost purple in the frozen wonderland. It didn't matter, it just made Phil even prettier. Snow had landed in his onyx hair, the contrast making him look godlike. His skin was snow-white and almost melted into the snow in the background. If Dan hadn't already fallen he would've crashed through the clouds hitting solid concrete by this point because of how fast he'd lost all sanity.

Phil didn't like Dan and Dan had misread the whole situation, he was certain, thankfully the calls from Phil's mother had broken the spell ("Dan and Phil, dinners ready!"). 

Everybody around the dinner table was silent, enjoying the food. Martyn caught Dan’s gaze and smiled a mischievous grin but when Dan didn't return even a smile, staring pale-faced back, Martyn's expression changed to a concerned one.

Dan couldn't even manage to smile, he was too caught up thinking about the way he had destroyed everything. Maybe just maybe Phil didn't notice what had happened, but then why Phil hadn't said a thing to him when he joined him in the hallway?

Martyn's gaze fluttered over to Phil. Something was obviously wrong, Dan and he usually stay so close to one another that even couples seemed less dedicated than them. But now they didn't touch or even look at each other. Maybe it was just Martyn's brotherly powers but it seemed only he could sense that something was wrong. 

"Dan can you get the butter for me?" asked Kathryn. Dan nodded still keeping his gaze on the tablecloth, avoiding the faces of the rest of Phil's family. Kathryn wasn't used to Dan being this quiet, back in the days he'd often had discussions with them Dan would speak for hours with the same enthusiasm. "Dan sweetie, aren't you hungry?" Dan looks up then and meets her eyes, he looks sad she thinks. 

Dan can't eat, even less swallow a bite, he wants to go and hide under some blankets with a box of ice cream in safe custody, wedged between his legs. "Are you sick?" she asks worriedly, reaching a hand up to feel his forehead.  
Phil's eyes flit to Dan, his curiosity getting the better of him. "no, I'm fine really Kath, thank you" he assures her, giving her a thin smile. Martyn's eyes flicker between his mum and Dan. "Mum, what if he's just bored and needs something fun to do? I know that technically Cornelia and I were supposed to make the gingerbread cookies today but she'll probably be really tired after driving here so what do you say about the idea that Dan and Phil bake them instead. So Cornelia and I can have some private time, I haven't seen her in so long". 

Phil glares at his brother "you're gross" he mouths. Martyn grins back mouthing "That's right little bro, it's my middle name." Phil rolls his eyes, still looking as sullen as before.

Dan's eyes widen "No actually I don't think I feel-" Dan starts but Martyn cuts him off "thank you guys, it means a lot to me, mum I'm finished and Cornelia arrives in about thirty minutes". Martyn is quick to grab his plate and exit the room.

-

Dan stands in the kitchen with Phil, It's almost completely quiet with the exception of the radio on low volume. He almost wishes he was sick so that he could avoid the confrontation that is bound to happen, but quickly realises that he will inevitably have to share a car ride with Phil back to his home regardless. So he quietly asks Phil "Okay, we need flour, do we have that?" Phil looks up, surprised that Dan asked him something. In his confusion, he holds both flour and sugar already collected from the pantry. "yeah... what more?" he asks tentatively glancing at Dan as he sets the ingredients down on the countertop. "grind clove, light syrup, cinnamon..." Dan continues. Phil nods.

Halfway through, at the point when they're supposed to roll out the dough, Phil accidentally spills flour on Dan and clouds of powder hit's Dan's face leaving him looking like a snort scene gone wrong. "Phil!" Dan shouts glaring at him. At first Phil thinks he's fucked up majorly, but then the expression on Dan’s face changes to a mischievous one and in the next second Phil has the taste of flour in his mouth. It's dry and tastes disgusting but it's totally worth it because the smile on Dan's face is priceless. It's the start of a flour fight. Dan's lithe on his feet as he tries to escape Phil. But Phil takes two clumsy steps to the right and manages to capture Dan from behind in his embrace, his hands all floury. Dan laughs, trying to escape and Phil can't help but laugh too as Dan manages to escape his increasingly weakening grip. 

Dan turns around and they're facing each other. Both looking like snowmen, the matching grins they wear making Phil's heart skip a beat. But then, suddenly, Dan's smile grows smaller and he lowers his head. "Phil..." he begins, and Phil wants to take his hands into his own. Dan looks a lost and unsure. "I have to say this... we have to talk" He speaks fast and Phil just about hears what he says but nods exaggeratedly anyways.

"I..I’m" Dan's voice falters "in love with you Phil" he looks away, cheeks burning and eyes watering.  
Phil's whole heart bursts at the sight. Dan, his beautiful Dan, his absolute best friend in the world is crying. "Dan," Phil says and when Dan doesn't respond he takes him into his arms, Dan doesn't resist, pliantly letting himself be soothed. He cries against Phil’s chest. 

"I do too." 

Dan stops in the middle of a sob, voice thick. "You what?" he asks into Phil's sweater.Phil can feel Dan's breath through the sweater against his prickling skin. "I do love you... too, I mean I’m in love with you too" Phil has this stupid smile on his face that won’t go away and his eyes are watering. Dan looks up at him through teary eyes. "You what?" he repeats, this time for himself. Phil swallows "c-can I kiss you?" 

Atfirst Dan doesn't respond, he's just staring unseeingly at Phil's face. But then a small smile starts to grow on his face, his pale skin growing hot "yeah". 

Phil holds Dan's face between his hand's as he leans in. The first touch burns Phil's lips but he can't focus on anything other than the loud pounding in his ears and Dan's pink lips. Phil doesn't know how to kiss and it's probably messy and ugly but he doesn't really care because Dan holds him close, his hands snaking around Phil's body, little humming noises he makes enough to show that he's content. How long has Phil really wanted to be with Dan, he'd denied it for so long but even before university Dan Howell was the reason for his big, secret, ugly crush. He just had to push all the thoughts of it away, Dan would never love him. But he did, and he still does, as he rests against Phil's chest speaking through pink, raw lips "You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that".

-

The minute Dan opened his eyes he knew something was wrong. It was almost like a distinct scent filling the air that only he could sense. The house was still pitch black and he felt warm laying beside Phil. Dan could feel how Phil mumbled incoherent things against the nape of his neck, his lips brushing against Dan’s skin and making goosebumps appear. 

Dan didn’t want to move, he wanted to close his eyes again and fall back down into the promising sweet sleep he craved. But something was terribly wrong and he couldn’t ignore it. Dan slowly reaches up to feel the necklace. He exhales, relieved when it’s still there. But when he registers the warmth radiating from the blood red medallion, it almost slips out of his fingers out of sheer shock.

Phil stirs in his sleep and Dan’s eyes are immediately drawn to him. Before he sits up in bed he kisses Phil’s forehead softly, whispering “I’ll be back soon, alright?” 

When he can see the medallion better he notices that it’s temperature isn’t the only difference, it’s colour is also much more distinct and clear. Instead of being a dark red, almost black, it’s a warm red colour.

Dan swallows audibly, he can feel his mouth go dry. When something like this happens it can only mean one of two things, either Phil is in danger or someone is breaking into his house. And if Phil is fast asleep, safe here, that must mean that someone is, in this very moment, searching through his apartment. What happens if they find it? He must protect it with all he's got.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is driving back to his apartment in the night, he steals Phil's car keys. The necklace tells him that someone is lurking in his home, someone who's not supposed to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> words: 9k  
> Genre: Angst, Fluff  
> Warnings: blood (not very detailed), violence, (plus 1 more warning listed at the end of the story because it's a spoiler)  
> Beta: catuslester
> 
> Special thanks
> 
> cactuslester - thank you so much for beta-ing this baby! It's my first ever completed long fic. I want to thank you for helping this fic become what it is today. I'm incredibly happy that you could for step in and take on part 2! You're a very kind person and again thank you so much!!!

Phil's eyes shoot open, at first his tired mind can't focus on what's really happening. A blurry image of his childhood room is set before him, and the sheets that are bundled up around him are thick and soft. The problem is that they've slunk down his waist leaving his abdomen and the rest of his upper body exposed. Phil shivers and goes to feel the goosebumps on his arms. As he's slowly waking up, he suddenly realises something and his breath catches in his throat, an ominous feeling almost like a sickening punch to the gut settles in his stomach. He springs up in the bed, staring into the dark before him.

Where's Dan? Phil can swear that he was here when he fell asleep, he's sure that he held him close but in his arms is now only a pillow. Maybe he's just gone to the toilet, Phil thinks. It shouldn’t be weird not having Dan by his side when he wakes up but this time it feels so different, something is off and he can’t really explain it. 

It's the same feeling Phil had as a child when he was certain that there was an actual monster living under his bed. His parents wouldn't listen to his "nonsense" and the only one who did was Dan who slept over and promised to protect Phil from the monsters. Phil understands that they don't exist now but back then when his wide eyes roamed this exact room, dimmed and ominous he was terrified. But when he felt Dan hug him tightly he had been reminded that he wasn't alone after all, even though Dan was a kid somehow the potential, imaginary monsters seemed to stay at bay, maybe even terrified of his best friend.

Just as Phil is about to make a move to slither out from the duvet covering his legs, he jumps. The phone laying on the nightstand vibrates muffled against the wooden surface, it lights up up the room and covers it in a blinding pale bluish-white light. Phil flinches away from the light, quickly covering his weary eyes. But soon enough he's reaching for his phone only half looking between his fingers with lidded eyes as he attempts to lower the brightness of the screen.

When he then spots the message that has popped up and sees that said message has the name Dan attached to it his eyes widen considerably. Eager to read it he lowers the phone and quickly reaches for his glasses. 

From: Dan  
Sent: 01:27  
Hi Phil, if I'm gone when you wake up don't worry I'm just away checking my apartment, I think I forgot something. DO NOT FOLLOW ME, just go back to sleep love.  
Dan

But as Phil looks at the clock on his own phone he furrows his eyebrows. The clock's 04:34, shouldn't Dan be back by now? And why didn't he get the message much earlier? But then he remembers how bad the signal is here — they're literally out in the middle of nowhere, ("Parents couldn't you have gotten a place a bit closer to the actual civilization?") — and how occasionally the mobile network sometimes doesn't work for hours and when it finally does, he has at least a thousand push notifications.

-

Slowly Dan eases himself out from under the blanket, the weight of Phil’s arm over his midsection feels heavy and warm and he almost contemplates ignoring the uneasy feeling in his stomach. But if the potential housebreaker — that the medallion informed him of — finds what they’re looking for... it won’t be good at all, it would be devastating, even. He can't let that happen.

Dan should be certain that the medallion isn't lying but he can't help but be unsure. He made it himself, he should be able to trust its capacity. 

Should.

Dan pads over the floor and moves to the door, he can't even bring himself to look back at Phil as he closes the door after himself. The cold is rising from the floorboards and drapes him in a false sense of security, numbing the blood in his veins pumping from his jaggedly beating heart. 

Phil will probably wake up without the warmth of Dan's body, wondering where he's gone? When he, rushes down to the kitchen and expects Dan to be there preparing breakfast, he won't find any Dan, even less a single trace of him. But that's only if he doesn't come back in time, maybe his trip will go smoothly, it could just be Dory his neighbour's cat somehow managing to once again sneak into his apartment. Not that it would be very likely, the old lady may be scatterbrained for most of the time, but during Christmas, she always keeps the cats inside her apartment. But maybe she's forgotten that too, she's getting old, he reminds himself. He'll definitely need to check on her when he gets back after he's looked through his apartment. 

 

Maybe Phil won't even notice anything. What would he say if he knew that Dan in this exact moment was about to steal his car keys? Would he forgive him? Maybe if Dan had good reasoning behind it. The question was whether Phil would believe him or not. 

But sweet, innocent Phil always seemed to understand. But the more he thought about it, he realised that he knew better. Phil said a lot of things, admitted to things he didn't agree to. He knew just how to make you feel safe, stop worrying about something — even if that meant he'd have to lie. He did that on a regular basis; even if it costed him so much of his own life and time, he still offered himself to others. Yes, Phil was a giver, but he was also a good liar. 

Maybe it wasn't a conscious thing, but Phil did it and Dan was concerned. Worried that if he did this to Phil, that Phil would secretly hate him forever but never mention it to him. That he would silently slip out through the back door one day without a word. That was one thing Phil was as well, really bad at goodbyes.

So, maybe he could compensate and leave a note for Phil to tell him where he is if Phil wakes up before he's back. But on the other hand, Dan doesn't have any paper or a pen, but he's got his phone buried in the pocket of his pyjamas, the cold from the metal seeps through the thin, woolly material. Maybe he could just text Phil? 

Before he does that though, he attempts to remember where Phil put the car keys when they arrived. He's pretty sure that he didn't leave them somewhere in the open inside the house. Maybe they're in the pocket of his jacket? 

When Dan walks into the hall and finds Phil's jacket he immediately plunges his hand into the depths of Phil's deep pocket. Warmth encloses his hand until it closes around the cold keys. With triumph, Dan holds up the keys in front of his eyes and a broad grin settles across his features. 

But in that exact moment, a new wave of guilt flows in around his feet and swallows him whole. He gulps closing his eyes for a moment, the smile that was previously present is now gone. When he's taken a deep breath and with forced confident steps walked over to the door with his jacket wrapped around his lanky frame he feels something settle in his chest. He feels small, like everything that had made him so sure before has disappeared and left guilt clawing at him. 

It's dumb because he is doing nothing wrong, he's just going to check his apartment an extra time, that wasn't something bad. But he could've woken Phil up so that he could drive him instead of borrowing his car. On the other hand, he was just sparing Phil a sleep-deprived drive back to Dan's apartment. He was also saving Phil from possible harm that could occur.

Just as Dan steps out of the door, the cold fills his lungs with fresh air; it feels like waking up for real, like he's been asleep all this time and can finally see clearly. It's still snowing, cold flakes land in his hair and stain his face, dusting his cheeks a tea rose coloured pink. 

It's beautiful and quiet, calm washes over him as he takes a first step from the stairs, burying his foot in the thick layer of whiteness. The snow creaks satisfyingly with each step towards Phil's car. When he's inside the car and twists the key in the ignition, he feels the car waking up. A humming sound fills the air, and the car bumps as he pulls the gear lever. The headlights make the snow glitter and he turns the radio on. 

Dan rolls his eyes and can't help but smile as a Christmas song filters out from the rough car radio. Phil's car is old; he got it when he was sixteen but didn't dare learn to drive until much later. Due to him being a really bad driver, he didn't use the car that often and opted for different transportation. He should've probably worried a bit more for Phil when he drove to get him, but he didn't even think about that then, too caught up in his own worries. The song lulls him to a false sense of security again.

-

Phil's up in a second, and when his bare feet meet the floor, he takes a shocked breath, but he ignores it and suffers through it as he strides over to the drawer and grabs a pair of socks, and for a moment, he stops himself to look at them. They're Dan's, well not really Dan's. They were given to him by Dan. It hadn't been Phil's birthday or a feast but Dan was impulsive like that. He'd seen the socks and thought of Phil. Dan knew him so well like they were two sides of the same coin. Alike, yet very different in some ways, it was as if they, at first sight, shouldn't have become friends — Phil had been the outsider with few friends, and Dan had been a sought-after, popular student — but when they were together, Phil felt complete.

When the socks were on he wiggled his toes so that the small pups adoring the green and blue socks seemed to move with an eager glimmer in their eyes, they almost looked like they were alive and breathing. Phil smiled a little and with the cold phone in his hand, that was warming with every minute passing, he stopped in front of the door. It just hit him, how is Dan on the way to his own apartment if Phil drove him here? And suddenly Phil understands, Dan took his car, didn't he?

Phil tries to call Dan first, but he doesn't even reach the first tone before he hears a voice telling him that the subscriber can't answer him right now. Dan's phone must be off or out of battery, he thinks nervously, worries curling in his stomach like an illness threatening to fill him with panic. He doesn't even have time to feel angry because Dan hadn't asked him if he could borrow it, he didn't even try to wake Phil up, did he?

The only car that isn't in the garage is Cornelia's, oh god Martyn is going to kill him. Phil will have to do it anyway it's unavoidable if he wants to know why Dan hasn't come back yet. When he sees her car keys laying on the kitchen table he grabs them in a hurry, throwing on the first jacket he finds, this unfortunately, being his dads, but he doesn't have time to change now. 

-

With an exhale, Dan presses send and turns off his phone, the lack of light instantly making itself present. He sees a ghostly reflection of himself in the car window and almost wishes his eyes were on his phone instead of on the road. It's a dangerous game Dan is willing to play to avoid having to look out on the road. He’d do anything to evade the judicial look of disappointment his reflection owns. Dark eyes staring into his soul tell him to turn around and apologise to Phil, but he only swallows and proceeds to drive.

-

When Phil's out in the cold, he can feel the air seeping through the thin layer of the jacket making him shiver in an instant, but he doesn't really care too much right now. As he opens the car door he's met with the familiar smell of his brother's girlfriend. She smells like comfort, a little like his own brother. 

As he drives away from the house he lets the humming of the car fill the air, there's no music he could play to keep his worry away, so he settles with imagining how he finds Dan safe at his home, how he's accidentally fallen asleep against the wall in the hallway because he was "just going to close his eyes for a couple of seconds, promise!". How his cheeks are flushed and eyelashes kiss his pale cheeks underneath. His jacket is still swept around him, and the fluffy collar is covering most of his neck and the lower part of his jaw. He wears a small content smile, and he's absolutely adorable. 

Phil could see that happening, he is really hoping that it's the case. For a moment he can see himself carry Dan back to the car but that bubble is burst when he remembers that they have two cars to drive back. He sighs and sees how a white cloud forms from his parted lips. 

-

Dan has just stopped the car, and he's sitting for a moment only breathing to calm himself down. He looks out from the car at the snow falling so fast so that lines are painted forth from the sky above to the fluffy white ground. And for a moment in the light of a lamppost he believes himself to see a dark figure, but after he blinked in disbelief, the shape was gone; maybe he'd just imagined that. 

The last couple of days have been everything, the best in his whole lifetime. Just being able to spend time with Phil and not a watered down version has made all the difference. It feels a little like he has relaxed around Dan now that their relationship is more sorted out. And having Phil for himself has been fantastic. 

Halfway up the stairs, his energy is already gone and replaced with heaving breaths plunging out of him; maybe he had overestimated his own capability. Apparently, he wasn't as fit as he thought. But he was in a hurry and wanted to get back to Phil as fast as possible. The clicks of his shoes against the stairs echoes throughout the empty building. Seems like most of his neighbours have already returned to the safety of their homes. 

He wonders what they'll think of him after this. Will they glare at him when he walks by? Will a single misplaced look from his side cause them to think that his reasoning behind it was pure grunge he had against the world? That he'd done this only for the sole purpose of making their lives harder? Didn't they understand that it was he who had to live through the consequences and he didn't even know what started the fire? 

The firemen should've known, but they had called during his week with Phil telling him that they didn't know what started it. The frustration was unbearable, he wanted to know, he required them to tell him that the fire was his own fault. That he somehow accidentally forgot the stove on or something. An explanation, an end to the story, someone to blame. But now he was left with more questions than answers. He needed to understand why things like this happened to him. Was it karma, had he been such a bad person? He shook his head, it just didn't make sense. He tried so hard to be good, to please the rest of the world. Yet it wasn't enough it seemed.

When he stands before the door into his home he shivers for a second, weirdly enough because it was much colder outside. He reaches for his keys and unlocks the door. It clicks open and the silence is deafening, only the sound of his own heartbeat is heard. 

He steps inside on the hall carpet and for a moment he contemplates taking his shoes off but something tells him not to. A sudden scratching sound is heard, and he stops in his steps, turning his head to the side and listening closely.

It’s almost as if something primal is telling his legs to freeze in their steps on their own accord. But surely it's nothing, his mind is playing tricks on him again, isn't it? He was always the one having to be on the lookout for something, so it kind of ran in his blood. He wishes that wasn't the case though. Being someone like Phil would've been so much easier. He was so happily unaware of certain things, things that Dan could never tell him about, making Dan's life seem like he was facing the end of the world every day in comparison.

Although, Phil was never much of an outdoor person. Dan had come to the realisation that Phil didn't need to step outside the door to constantly be in danger. Seriously, how does the man even manage to get himself into so much trouble? If he knew how many more times Dan had saved him than the one times he'd openly done so in front of his friend, then maybe things would've been different, for the both of them.

He has a moment of pure anger pulsing through him; it's sudden and he doesn't know where it comes from. It's burning in his gut. Is it because he's so tired of never feeling safe, of always having to protect everyone he loves. It's really not fair and he knows he's being childish about it. But just now he allows himself to grumble over it. 

He'd been so focused on getting away from the fire that he'd forgotten the most important thing of them all. How could he have been so stupid? And how could Phil so easily sweep him off his feet, make him forget everything about his duties for a week? 

But in reality, Dan knows exactly what he had been doing wrong the entire time. He had let his guard down. Finally, gave into his feelings for Phil. He'd swore to protect him, and falling in love with Phil had not been part of the plan. He had gone against his own rules and now Phil was alone, and Dan's own apartment had had an unknown visitor. Thankfully they didn't seem to be here anymore. But what if they'd taken it? The sudden reminder makes his veins go ice cold. It had only been a couple of minutes, and once again he'd let his thoughts take the focus. This is not good, at all he tells himself worriedly.

He moves to his own bedroom; he walks fast, in a hurry to get there as quickly as possible. Just as he's reaching for the book in his cupboard, he feels a looming presence; it feels like an uncontrollable itch that he can't reach. For a fleeting moment, he tells himself that it’s really nothing, and that the prospect of crawling under the blankets of Phil's warm bed, nuzzling up against Phil's warm body again fills his chest with a swelling warm feeling. Finally, the doubt wins and he gives in, already ready to put the book into his bag and take the car back. He spins around with the book in his hand. When his eyes find someone standing in the doorway, the air in his lungs suddenly isn't there anymore. It's like it has transmuted into nothingness, pushed up, out past his lips in a terrified squeal because it is someone all too familiar. 

The old man from before smiles at him grimly. He takes a step forward as he starts speaking. "I see that you're back; I waited for you, you know. I couldn't get past the barrier without you, and not only have you fallen into my trap, you've also so obediently already gone and fetched the book for me. I guess I should thank you, really, I didn't even have to threaten you." The man's eyes glimmer wickedly, they're an ominous red colour now, pupils mere slits and when he goes to laugh, white fangs gleam in the moonlight filtering in through the window. Dan gasps, his eyes widening. He steps back, his back knocking against the drawer. 

The man continues to speak "You don't know how long we've wanted that book; with it, we can finally take over completely, instead of living ofF some half-assed drunk meals on late nights. They scream so terribly much it hurts my sensitive ears, and their blood is filthy, let me tell you". The man says his grin so wide Dan fears it might split his face in half. "When your family stole this book centuries ago my great, great grandfather swore to take it back. I'm only here to retrieve what is legally mine." He says through gritted teeth, staring thunderously at Dan, the glint in his eyes threatening.

To buy himself time while he reaches behind himself, Dan begins talking. "If we hadn't stolen it back from you, this world wouldn't even exist." His is hand searching desperately through the drawer for something. 

The man raises an eyebrow and answers "oh, surprisingly this one seems to know a bit of its own history. Yes, I admit your forefathers might've written the book, but when they lost it, we took it, finders keepers". The man decides, smirking triumphantly. 

Dan rolls his eyes and replies with "thieves like you know that truthfully, your forefathers took the book after killing my great grandfather, fortunately, you forgot one small detail, he just so happened to have a daughter, a daughter that swore she would kill every vampire that stood in her way until she retrieved what was hers rightfully, this book that I have in my hands". Anger blows upon the man's face. Dan only smirks knowingly, he'd known that'd be enough to provoke the bloodsucking creature.

Just as the man plunges forward in fury, pushing them both to the ground, Dan got a grip around the wooden stake that he, seconds later, stabs into the man's chest. Dan smiles to himself, triumphant. 

The man evaporates into thin air only leaving a thin layer of white dust; it almost looks like snow as it falls down to the ground peacefully. He stands up, wiping the dust off his clothes in a haste with slight disgust tainting his features.

He knew he still had it in him. But he also remembered the utter disgust that came with it and why for so long he'd stopped, only killing them when he had to. Thankfully for him, he'd created something that would protect Phil, a necklace with a different ability than his own. The only downside was that the necklace wasn't always reliable; there have been times when Phil had been mere centimetres from being turned into one of them if it hadn't been for Dan, saving him. 

Thankfully Phil isn't here but safe at his family home, surely more vampires were on their way here if this man — if you could call it that — this creature of the night was their leader. If he had fallen, they would want to avenge him. So him being here longer than he had to seemed to be a bad idea. The unfortunate thing now is that they know where he lives, so he'll have to move again.

When he steps back he feels something trickle down his neck, his grin falters. He brings his hand to his neck. When he seconds later holds it up before his eyes and sees the red colour tainting his fingers he feels weak to his knees. Dan's eyes widen realising what must have happened, all the adrenaline must've dulled the piercing sensation. A sudden freezing feeling takes over him, shivering he drops the book, losing feeling in his fingers. He can feel his knees give in, next he's falling and knocking his head against the floor. Everything goes pitch-black.

-

Phil's eyes follow the flickering light in the hallway. He swallows roughly picking up his phone and calling Dan. He knows that Dan told him to stay away but he has to know now, can't wait for Dan to come back with a bad excuse about why he'd left without telling Phil face to face. 

Although this isn't the first time Dan has done things like this, strangely disappearing and appearing whenever. Once at a party when Phil was talking to a long pretty girl with curly dark hair, he'd felt someone tap his shoulder, that proved to be Dan of course. He had smiled in the low-lit purple atmosphere, his eyes had glistened as he leaned a bit closer to Phil's ear whispering "you busy?"

Phil had glanced over at the girl who looked almost a bit uncomfortable when she quickly flashed him a small smile as their eyes met for a second. His eyes flicker back to Dan's, taking in his jaw and the long neck that's reinforced from where he was his resting his head on Phil's shoulder, he gulps. "Yeah, I mean I was." Then he looks over at the girl again. "Dan, this is Alice" Dan steps forward, a wide smile settling itself naturally on his face showcasing that dimple of his. He looks confident as he stands there jutting out his hand in front of the stranger, and his leather jacket reflects the green and purple spotlights dully. 

"Dan, Phil's Dan," he jokes, smiling ever so widely and laughing that loud obnoxious laugh. For a moment Phil freezes, something is fluttering in the bottom of his stomach, maybe it's fear. Then it dawns on him, this is intoxicated Dan, so much more free than he normally allows himself to be. The spring in his steps, the way it looks like he dances with every move. How he swings his hips and his smile lights a million fires in Phil's heart. 

He smiles a little at the memory of the statement Dan had made, Phil is Dan's now truly. 

Tone after tone go by, but nobody picks up. Phil's heart is racing in his chest. Dan doesn't answer his phone. Tentatively he reaches out towards the handle to feel it, and when the door unexpectedly clicks open, Phil frowns. For a moment, he wonders if Dan left it opened by accident or left it because he was about to take the car back. He decides to put the unanswered question aside and walks inside. It's dark inside, and Phil closes the door behind himself.

Experimentally, he calls out into the flat "Dan?" he listens closely but he can't hear a reply coming from within. He takes a few steps forward and calls again this time a tad louder. Just as he's about to march into the kitchen to check if Dan's there blasting music in his headphones, a groan is heard. It's faint and coming from the bedroom.

There's a nervous twinge in the bottom of Phil's stomach, and he holds his breath. It's almost as if he breathes in the fear that is radiating from him. Something isn't right, something wasn't right from the very beginning. It had been laced in the air at the very moment he had woken up. Almost like a faint smell of metal, blood...

He runs to the bedroom "Dan?" he shouts fearing for what might've happened to him. Had he tripped and hurt himself? Was his phone out of battery and he couldn't move or get help. For how long had he laid there in the bedroom? Maybe he was just imagining the worst case scenarios. He had a talent for that apparently. It definitely wasn't good for his mental health.

When he turns the corner, he's met with a scenario taken from one of his worst nightmares. Because Dan is laying on the floor in an odd position and he's bleeding from the neck. Phil doesn't waste a second as he's rushing to kneel down beside Dan. He puts his head on his chest listening after a heartbeat. And when Dan stirs he's instantly filled with relief. A watery laugh bubbles up from within him. 

"Dan you're alive, what happened?" Dan's eyelashes flutter in his attempt to open his eyes, but it's in vain because they remain shut. He parts his dry lips "Phil, is that you?". Phil grabs Dan's hand in his "yeah" he exhales. Dan inhales sharply before speaking as hastily as he can "Phil grab the book on the floor now, and help me get out of here, drive me to my parents home" Phil frowns moving to feel Dan's forehead, it's hot, really really hot. 

"Your forehead is burning, Dan I need to get you to the hospital!" Dan groans gripping Phil's hand roughly "No Phil, listen, Take me to my parents' house, the address is on my phone, you know the code, no questions!" 

"But Dan it's clear that you don't know what you're saying in this state, if we get to the hospital, they can find out what is wrong". Dan inhales sharply and with all the effort he has opens his eyes looking Phil dead in the eyes. 

"Alright, listen up Phil if you don't do as I say I will die, trust me" the words Dan speaks sends a pressure overlaying his chest like a blanket, drowning him in both shock and fear. Phil winces, tumbling backwards, landing on his arms. Because not only is there a dead serious sincerity in Dan's voice but his eyes are no longer just brown, they're coated with a thin see through layer that looks like frost. Phil doesn't know what to think. He can feel the cogs turn in his head but they don't seem to come to a conclusion. He can't grasp what's just happened. Maybe it's too absurd or he doesn't feel like anything like this could happen to him. 

He's let it swallow him, and Dan can see it on his face because his expression grows slightly softer. And Dan wants to hug Phil although it's him that is hurting. He wants to hold him close although he feels like the freezing feeling inside of him only grows. Maybe he'd just end up making Phil freeze instead of warming him. But he realises that he can't actually make an effort to move, his limbs are so heavy. He can almost not feel them. 

Phil nods and gulps, he does it more as a reflex, he needs to reassure Dan. He looks around himself after the book and just as Dan told him there is one laying there. He goes to grab it and hands it to Dan. Dan expresses a thankfulness through his eyes, and Phil smiles back sadly when Dan closes his eyes. He looks tired, his skin doesn't have the same glow and looks pale and sick. In an instant, Phil decides that making Dan walk would just result in a foolish attempt so he's going to have to carry him.

-

Just as Phil has Dan's head rested against his chest, he hears the sound of glass breaking. His eyes widen, mouth opening in horror and for a moment he fears that the yelp on his tongue has escaped past his lips. 

Dan is heavy, and carrying him while trying to open the door is almost impossible. Behind him, Phil hears the sound of lithe feet moving over the floorboards, and he's reaching for the handle, leaning back so that Dan won't fall from his grip. He manages to escape out of the door and stands for a second looking between the staircase and the lift. If he chooses the lift, maybe they'll catch up. Whoever they are that Dan fears so much. But Dan is too heavy for him to carry down the stairs.

Phil moves towards the lift, and as he's waiting for it to move upwards, he swallows looking over his shoulder. It's deadly silent now, not even the faintest sound of feet moving is heard. Just the low buzzing of the elevator moving upwards. Dan is stirring in his grip, his eyelashes flutter and his expression resembles a frown. "Dan?" Phil questions furrowing his eyebrows. When Dan doesn't answer, Phil goes to kiss his forehead, and he grows even more worried when the surface of his forehead no longer feels warm but ice cold. This is definitely not normal. Maybe Phil should drive him to the hospital, ignoring what Dan had said. 

Phil enters the lift, just as the doors close in front of him he can see, in the glimpse between the lift doors, Dan's door suddenly open wide. An ominous silence fills the elevator as it slowly moves down. Phil is silently counting the numbers as they pass each floor. Then it starts, the scratching, it sounds like nails against metal. Dan expression is pained as Phil quickly checks on him. Phil presses his eyes shut so harshly that he can feel tears stinging behind his eyelids. He can't escape the sound. He has to hold onto Dan. Phil's legs are shaking and he pulls Dan closer to his chest. It gives him comfort, knowing that no one will be able to take Dan from him. With a ping the doors slide open, Phil cracks open one eye.

-

With cold hands, Phil presses in the address into Google maps and bites his nails nervously as he waits for it to load. 

Nothing had happened when he stepped out of the elevator, it had been as peaceful as when he first arrived. Not even when he stepped out in the deep snow and opened the door to Cornelia's car and carefully sat Dan down on the seat next to his had anything happened. With shaking hands, he tightened the seat belt around Dan's cold body. When he looked around himself tensely, he spotted a blanket in the back seat and put it over Dan in hopes that it would keep him warm.

During the whole ride, Phil couldn't help but look behind himself. He felt uneasy like he was being followed. He grasped the medallion that hung around his neck in his hand, the stone was lukewarm. He tried to focus on that instead of everything else. 

When he turned the corner into a block he knew that he was going to reach Dan's family house soon enough. Dan is still out, but he's breathing, Phil has checked multiple times.

\- 

The moment he steps out of the car with Dan in his arms, his eyes roam over the mansion. And he thought Dan said that his parents 'only' lived in a house. Phil takes the steps up the cobblestone path, he passes a garden covered in frost and snow. Even the staircase up to the large wooden door is covered in a layer of snow as if no one has walked outside in a long time.

For a brief moment, he wonders how it was growing up here. Was it lonely? Judging by the fence extending around the mansion — like a safe haven or Phil thinks, a prison — it must've been lonely. Now he starts to wonder why Dan never invited him over to his childhood room. Phil can't imagine being an only child alone out here in the middle of nowhere. At least, he thinks, he had his brother growing up. He might've been a pain in the ass but leastwise there were times when he had been Phil's best friend, well, until Dan showed up.

He lifts the door handle and lets it fall back with a loud thud. As he nervously waits for someone to answer the door he studies Dan's features and smiles a sad smile as he goes to kiss his forehead.

He can hear footsteps nearing the door and for a moment he forgets to breathe as the door creaked ajar. Out peeked a woman. Her hair brown and curly just like Dan's, eyes nervous looking and when she spots Dan, she emits a howl of fright. In an instant, she flings open the door revealing a hall with brown wooden floors mostly covered by a long green rug and old-school wallpapers with borders.

"Dan!" she cried not even seeming to notice Phil. Her eyes only focused on her son as she ushered them inside.

-

"Lay him here," she says gesturing for him to lay him down next to the fireplace on the red, expensive looking carpet. "It will halt it from spreading momentarily, save us some time". 

"Halt what?" Phil said, suddenly it felt like a fire started burning in his stomach. "The disease," she said shaking her head sadly. "He... he has always managed to keep them away, I never thought... never thought they would ever win". Phil doesn't know what to say he just blinks unintelligently.

Her expression grows angry "It was for you wasn't it? He tried to save you again, didn't he? And now he suffers the consequences of it". Phil looks at Dan "Save... me?" he stutters out.

"You are Phil aren't you?" she says bitterly. Phil leans over Dan protectively as she glares at him. "Do you know how many times he's had to save you, a Moonblood is what you are" there are tears leaking out of her eyes but she completely ignores them, wiping them away angrily when she notices. "I'm... a what?" Phil questions but he doesn't receive an answer.

"What did he ever see in you, do you know how much he loves you, how he has risked his own life to save you from these treacherous bloodsuckers multiple times?" She walks over to Dan and sits down beside him and Phil. Carefully she brushes a curl away from his eyes, er gaze full of so much love and sorrow. She looks up at Phil again who hasn't said anything, and now she tries to give him a smile, but her eyes are filled with tears and her bottom lip quivers as she smiles.

"I should've stopped him, forbid him from seeing you... but, but I just couldn't because he loved you so much, still loves you." Phil eyes downcast.

"Phil, did you tell him you loved him at least?" she says now calmy it is as she doesn't have the strength to scream anymore like she's lost heart.

Phil doesn't answer, clutching Dan's hand in his. His mum starts laughing and it mixes in with sobs racking her frame. Phil winces looking over at her, he reaches out a hand to place on her shoulder but she shrugs it away.

In this very moment, someone steps in into the room. They both look up. It's a man Phil has never seen before. He looks just as surprised to see what's going on as them seeing him. 

"Robert why didn't you come earlier? our son is dying and you're up doing absolutely nothing," she says not even sparing him a look, her eyes still on her son.

Phil’s eyes widen, mouth agape “Dan’s dying?” he whispers, shook evident in his voice but no one's listening to him.

"I was not, I did an important thing, I was researching..." Robert begins explaining, gesturing wildly.

She turns to Phil. "Do you have the book?

"Yeah... Dan told me to..." Phil begins furrowing his brow when she cuts him off mid-sentence.

"Great give it to me" She flips it opens, leafing through it quickly. Then she stops on a spread, fingers shaking as she read what it says to them. 

"'Frozen heart'; caused by the bite of a vampire. Ever since the beginning of time, these creatures have roamed the night spreading their disease. A person who's bitten by these type of creatures and doesn't drink their blood gets stricken by 'Frozen heart'. 

At first, their body becomes very hot, like when a normal illness strikes. The next step is hands and fingers turning cold until they start to appear ice like. Their eyes should be covered in a thin layer of frost."

"Phil?" someone mumbles and everyone jumps, instantly focusing on the person from which the name was spoken. Phil's focus is solely on Dan as he slowly manages to open his eyes. Through what looks like a thick layer of ice, Dan stares at him. Even his eyelashes have small crystals in them. "Phil? Promise me..." he says gently lips moving slower and slower the more he speaks. Phil's hands are on each side of his head, cupping his cheeks. Phil sniffles, a single tear falls down onto Dan's face trailing it's way over his cold cheek. "...to be happy". He has so much to say to Dan, so many things he's never had time to tell him.

“Dan look at me, you mean everything to me”. Phil’s eyes flickered around his face taking in every little inch of Dan’s face. “I love everything about you, the way you laugh, even the ear piercing ones. The way you smile when you really mean it, how your eyes light up like there are a million fireworks going off in them. But most of all I adore who you are, how brave you are, I like that you tell me the things that are on your mind. I like how you’re not afraid to tell me when I or you have goofed up and most of all I never ever want to let you go, please stay with me".

"Phil..." he says strained and then there are no more words coming. Phil watches him with fear in his eyes, a horrid expression painted upon his face. He places his ear against Dan's ribcage. It doesn't move. It doesn't move at all...

"Dan!" he shouts, shaking his body until there's nothing more to do than to cry against the thick sweater he's wearing. Everything, everything has lost its meaning.

Dan's parents are silent. His mom places a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it away burying his face even deeper into Dan's chest completely ignoring how cold Dan is against his cheek.

"Phil... there might be a way to save Dan... though I don't believe it would work." his mum mumbles. For a moment she seems to debate whether to continue speaking. But it comes with a price—".

"I'll do whatever it takes to have Dan back in my arms, breathing."

"If his heart melts, your heart is going to freeze instead. You take his place, so to say." She shrugs slamming the book shut effortlessly with one hand.

"It doesn't matter." 

"If you really want to save him, you'll have to kiss him on the lips". Without replying Phil supports Dan limp head with one hand as the other goes to caress his cheek. When he leans in he can feel the cold emitting from Dan's lips. When their lips touch at first nothing feels different. Nothing has happened at all.

He parts their lips waiting for a sign but Dan doesn't move. "It's not enough," his mum says "Your love was never enough, Dan wasted his life loving you when the love you have for him is just an insignificant sliver in comparison". 

He's not enough.

Phil stands up on shaky legs so that he's at eye level with her. "That isn't true," he says firmly. She glowers taking a step forward. "I think I know my son better than some pitiful boy." Phil's fists are shaking, he stares with disbelief at her "you're just like them". He doesn't wait for her to answer he just shakes his head. He turns around on his feet and walks over to the fire again, trying to make as much distance between them as he can. "You're just like those people Dan despises the most, no wonder he didn't want me to take him here after the fire, no wonder I never got to meet you"

"The fire?" Dan's dad exclaims, his eyes widen like saucers. Dan's mum looks even angrier. She steps forward grasping after the sleeve of Phil's jacket and tugs at it. "That's enough, get out of here, you don't deserve to be associated with our son".

"Phil?" Everybody freezes in their steps and suddenly their eyes are on him. Dan's lashes flutter in attempt to open. Streams of tears flood down from his eyes as soon as he opens them. There are brown eyes looking back at him. Dan parts his lips, smiling when he locks eyes with Phil. "what happened?" he questions suspiciously.

Phil shakes his head "It doesn't matter". Dan's head whips to the side taking in the view of his parents and then realisation flood his face "You didn't. You didn't let him... do that!" his face is in a sudden filled with rage. "That boy doesn't deserve to live as much as you honey" she says her eyes are furrowed while she shakes her head lightly, there's a smile painted on her lips. 

"That boy just saved my life, that boy... Phil... I could've lost you". Dan advert his eyes from his parents and pulls Phil down towards him with his arms around Phil's neck, kissing Phil's face everywhere he can reach. All the anger that was present vanishes from his face. His eyes appear teary as he laughs thickly "Maybe... maybe our love was strong enough to break the spell completely, maybe your heart won’t freeze? I’ve only read about that happening one time and I always thought that was just fiction and not real." Dan says looking Phil in the eyes "I hope so" Phil mumbles against Dan's lips.

Dan laughs and Phil can't do anything other than laugh too. The next moment they find themselves hugging each other, no words can describe how it feels to have Dan in his arms again. 

-

"What a mess!" Phil exhales when they're sitting in the car. Even after everything that had happened, Dan's parents wouldn't listen to them. His mom wouldn't let Phil stay however much Dan pleaded, so Phil helped Dan out to the car. It would've been so much easier if they could've stayed the rest of the night in their house, but they refused to let Phil stay. Maybe he will never understand why they hate him so much. Dan told him that they're just scared.

Phil's tired, he knows that he shouldn't be, that it be ridiculous for him to focus so much on himself when Dan was the victim. He should focus more on Dan's well being, ensure that he gets enough rest after this chaos. But he just can't force himself to reach out. A tiredness that he doesn't deserve to feel has taken over him. He feels guilty for not asking Dan if he's okay. He's so selfish. 

Dan's closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the head cushion. "Can we go back to bed?" Phil nods forcing a smile with his face upturned towards the ceiling of the car "Yeah" he exhales.

As Phil drives he has problems concentrating on the road ahead. He turns to Dan who's eyes watch the road.

"How didn't I know for like 20 years that your family were destined to kill vampires and what did you say that I was again? A Moonblood?" Dan laughs and ruffles Phil's hair. "Careful I'm driving" Phil smiles. Dan only rolls his eyes at that laughing under his breath.

"Well, Philly, someone who's a Moonblood has blood so pure it drives vampires bananas. Dan's eyes flit to Phil's face. His cheeks are rosy and he's biting his lip in concentration. “If you only knew how many times I've had to kill those pesky bloodsuckers for you".

Suddenly something bursts inside him, maybe it's every pent up emotion he's felt the last couple of hours mixing together into his deepest fear. He can't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth "I'm sorry that I'm such a burden," Phil grips the wheel firmly, he stubbornly stares out through the window, he shakes his head. Something in his chest is burning uncomfortably and he swallows.

"Hey Phil, no that's not what I meant..." Dan gestures desperately, his mouth open in horror "Don't let what my parents said to get to you okay?" Phil can't help but feel like the guilt in his words are being served to him on a silver platter.

"It's not that easy okay Dan? All my life people have told me that I'm not enough or that they don't want me there or even better, that I was someone else entirely."

"No need to take it out on me... I was there and I know that I wasn’t.. I wasn't the one being bullied... but maybe in some way, I know what you feel you know. I never got to choose what to do with my life. My parents wanted me to have a good income and protect an old dusty book from some sucky vampires. Who I was supposed to be was in principle already decided for me before I was even born. My parents wanted me to be someone I'm not, the world requires me to go as far as to die for a book because if I don't the world we know will end up a nightmare." Dan puts his head in his hands shaking his head. Phil closes his eyes for a moment. 

"Don't make this about yourself," he says, immediately regretting the words. They sting in his throat.

"I'm not" Dan exclaims. "I'm just... Phil, I'm so sorry for how my shitty parents treated you. But I still love them... even though I've had to stand them my whole life, I-I can't hate them" Dan smiles half-heartedly his bottom lip quivers and he looks away.

"I'm not trying to make you hate them, I'm trying to understand why they hate me," Dan shakes his head ignoring what Phil's said "Phil this isn't about them, what they think doesn't matter. I... I just don't want to screw up us... the only thing in my life that I for once have let myself have, after for god knows how many years."

"Dan... I..I'm such an asshole, I'm sorry, I just- I don't get why they hate me so much. I haven't done anything to them.

"Oh, you have if you ask them". He's quiet looking down at his hands fiddling nervously in his lap. Dan carefully seeks Phil's eyes "I... spent a lot of time at yours didn't I?"

"I guess you did" he smiles a little scratching the back of his head.

"I mean I still do- Phil, can we forget my stupid parents?" They're silent until Phil slowly starts nodding "yeah, fuck them". Dan can't help but laugh "fuck them" he confirms.

-

Phil opens the car door for Dan, it has started snowing again, big, featherlight snowflakes that land on Dan's shiny jacket and in between strands of Phil's pitch-black hair.

"What's so special about that book anyway?" he says walking arm in arm with Dan towards the staircase over the gravel sprinkled walkway. Dan laughs and leans his head against Phil's shoulder, he breathes in the cold air. 

Something flutters in Phil's stomach as he watches Dan meet his gaze. Dan smiles and pokes Phil's nose and Phil laughs under his breath, taking in the pure beauty of Dan himself. "Honestly wish I could say 'I don't know' but unfortunately, I can't. 

The book that I have here is the only one that tells you how to cure vampirism and before you ask me why we haven't cured all vampires already I'll tell you that if it’s even going to work the vampire must themselves want to be free of their curse and as it seems most of them don't want that. You see this book doesn't only cure vampirism it can also cause it. Helping vampires spread it much faster, with just a few words read from the wrong page and the world would never be the same".

"Well then it's good you have it in your hands" Phil points out as he moves to open the door. The minute they step inside a familiar pair of faces meets them. "Phil Lester, my girlfriend's car out of all the things?" Martyn's angry voice pierces through the house. Kathryn steps forth "You've got some explaining to do young man and don't you think you can escape Dan, you're clearly involved in this too. What have you two been up to?"

They exchange looks and the next minute they burst into laughter in front of the group of people. "Can we just go to bed and we'll explain everything in the morning—" Phil starts.

"The clocks nine am," Martyn says raising one unimpressed eyebrow. "But we're way too tired after everything..." Phil argues. "...everything that has happened" Dan continues.

A chorus of solid "no's" comes the unimpressed trio. Dan and Phil sigh, well this is going to be a long morning. And how are they going to explain everything without mentioning the "minor" detail about vampires existing? 

Dan takes Phil's hands as the rest of the family goes to sit in the kitchen for their "investigation". He leans his forehead against Phil's and mumbles "At least I've got you even if our hearts were frozen for a long time, they waited and hoped that we would let ourselves love, that we’d stop being blind lovesick doofuses and now we finally have".

Phil smiles "Frozen hearts huh? Funny, maybe we already were kinda cursed, to begin with?" Dan laughs and Phil pokes his tongue out in response. Before they join their family in the kitchen Phil steals one more kiss from Dan's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Major character death (Note: character doesn't stay dead...)


End file.
